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vaguely-concerned · 4 years ago

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The Mandalorian Chapter 12 rewatch thoughts

- I would like to thank them for keeping in din’s harried yet triumphant ‘hAH!!’ when he gets the explosives to stick to gideon’s ship in the ‘hey remember when this happened last season’ section, that was a nice gesture from the showrunners to me personally, I assume

- this episode actually helped me find more enjoyment in the last one, because it’s such a nice reassurance that even though they’re pulling in more stuff from other star wars media this show won’t suddenly stop being its own thing and mando won’t suddenly stop being himself and it’s very comforting to me somehow haha

- the small hesitation before din calls out “do you... do you have the wire?” lol lol lol he’s completely aware of the bizarreness of what he’s doing here but hey being alive is already so damn weird etc.

the softness of his voice the whole way through and the fact that he never, never blames the baby for not being able to do what shouldn’t really be asked of him in the first place, tho... ;____;

- the tiny exasperated head tilt din does when he realizes the hatch isn’t going to extend all the way fdslkfhasdlashfs

- din is looking down at the baby the entire time while greef talks to the mechanics ❤️❤️❤️

(the baby seems pretty drawn to/excited to see greef again and mando seems to notice which is extremely cute. he’s becoming really good at tuning in with the kid)

he also greets cara baby first in much the same way as he does peli, like he knows what the main attraction here is lol, they do a very sweet bro nod at each other. god I wish gina carano wasn’t so terrible imagine if we could just have this BrOTP without hesitations :(

I think greef is actually a bit worried to begin with after seeing the ship, he sort of takes din in intently before he huffs a little laugh and grabs his arm. it must be a bit stressful to be his friend and not be able to see his expression right away when you worry something might be seriously wrong haha

- people are finally treating the baby like you would a real baby and it’s such a blessing, everyone talking and cooing at him and baby babbling back

(I wonder if greef has children of his own? he does have an undeniable air of experienced grandpa about him in this episode, it’s adorable)

- din does so much talking -- unprompted, even! -- these days, it truly is an embarrassment of riches

- capital E Emotional about this shot with IG-11 right behind din and cara inviting him into the school in front of him. some past carried with us into the future shit going on here

IG-11′s legacy’s still got our back y’all :’) I swear to god if gideon blows up nevarro at some point I’m going to lose it

the ‘oh yeah?/that so?’ way din leans his head back after she says “wait until you see inside” is also amazing

- baby reaching out his hand like ‘can have?’ is so polite ;______; he takes after his father (including in the ‘fool me twice, I’ll fuck you up’ department haha. listen you get one chance to be cool about it and then no more mr nice mando/baby)

go ahead, kid, make a fuss about it. who are you going to tell, huh? who’s going to believe you? you gonna tell them you got bested by a baby? a magic baby? no? that’s right. I took your dignity as easily as I took your macarons, there’s nothing you can do to change it, and now you gotta live with that. sweet dreams.

(this is a joke. the baby is not evil. I hate that I even have to specify this but I’ve seen some stupid shit in the tags in my time you guys haha)

- I can’t work out what anything on greef’s desk is supposed to be, but if that’s a computer it’s got to be older than even the razor crest lol

- friends: din yes?

mando: din no, only repairs

friends: din yes please?

mando: ... [sigh] din yes

he truly has next to no defense against people he actually likes asking him for something huh lol. well a self care co-op mission clearly did him a world of good in this one at least it’s all fine

- “I’m starting to dehydrate, Boss” is an excellent line and delivered perfectly, I cackle every time (”You park your gills right there until I say otherwise” is a good runner up too)

- it’s so nice to see the small moments of communication between them in this one after mando was so out of sync with the team in the last one (and tbf those guys didn’t even try to give him any pointers at all, they really left him to flounder through the whole thing if you watch it carefully haha)

- the mythrol’s jacket still looks so comfy, I want one

- aaaaah the way din says “I don’t like this” is just so... hnnngh it’s perfect, there’s a vulnerability and openness to it for a moment. greef glances over at him like he hasn’t heard him sound like this before too, which just sells it even more

u ok bro?

you know shit’s fucked up when din djarin expresses an emotion without even being forced to by circumstance (I think what I mean is that it’s actually really rare for him to state how he feels about something just to do it, usually his communication is more practically oriented, more along ‘I think this is the best cause of action because of a and b’ lines, or like when he tells omera he’s grateful it’s... more to inform her of it and make sure she knows than to express himself? but he’s starting to do it more with people he trusts now and it gets me in the heart? man I’m finding this hard to articulate let’s move on lol)

- I really, really wonder about pershing’s position in all of this. his plea for the child’s life did sound genuine -- he did try to guard him with his own noodly scientist body when he thought din was out to hurt him, remember -- but is that only because he knows he’s in deep shit himself without the blood the baby can give? is he maybe not quite cool with whatever gideon has him doing? (he does sound quite strained when he talks about the ‘body’ rejecting the transfusion and the ‘volunteer’ potentially suffering the same fate... hm.)

idk why I want there to be something redeemable in him so bad, maybe it’s just my weird yet enduring attachment to ladon radim in stargate atlantis messing with me they’re kind of similar in some ways (yeah don’t ask me I don’t know either sometimes the heart wants what it wants in ways reason can’t explain)

- tfw ur literally launching yourself across a pool of boiling lava because you’re Dad and your baby’s in danger T__________T he just does not stop running towards that kid for even a single second help

- there’s something so innocently pure and... old fashioned? about the scene with mythrol and greef screaming the entire time they drive off the cliff, it feels like something out of a movie from like three decades ago. that whole segment feels a bit like that, it’s just there to be fun and that’s okay sometimes

- every dog fight in every movie should have a baby nonchalantly snacking on a cookie in them, it elevates the experience immeasurably (he squishes his nose a little bit with the macaron when he misses his mouth at one point, which is more than anyone should be expected to bear honestly)

I love that even all fixed up again the razor crest groans and creaks like an old tired thing when din makes it flip to dive, he 100% did take out a bunch of ferraris in his stalwart morris minor of a spaceship and I treasure him

- there’s so much life and emotion in din’s voice here I can’t!!!! I simply can’t!!!! imagine if we get to hear him openly laugh one day, would I even survive it??!!!!

also the kid makes such pitch perfect ‘having my lil nose wiped and whining about it’ baby noises when din uses his cape to clean him up (din does turn the autopilot on before he turns around to deal with it, for those who, like me, worry about these things)

- between carson showing up and the stuff the droid talks about in the lesson they’re doing quite a bit of outer rim vs. core worlds theme building in this one, I wonder if this is going to ramp up more or what

- god but gideon’s theme SLAPS tho

he’s probably going to try to fuck up everything I love but you can’t fault him on the tunes he’s going to do it to

#star wars #the mandalorian #the mandalorian spoilers #the mandalorian meta #and now off to bed like I should have been half an hour ago lol

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thelittleredheadedmusician · 3 years ago

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I’ve been tagged by @klaineharmony and @wordshakerofgallifrey in one version of this and b @radioactivepigeons in another so I combined the 2 (there was one question difference lmao).

How many works do you have on Ao3?

146 (and like many who have done this before me, a couple are drabble collections and such)

What's your total Ao3 word count?

530,111 words which... wow.

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Oh dear GOD if I listed each individual comic series we’d be here all day. We’re gonna go with the five I know for sure off the top of my head w/ the 3 big subcategories for comics.

DCU

> Batman comics

> Teen Titans/Titans comics

> Young Justice cartoon

Newsies

Les Mis

Percy Jackson

Harry Potter

What are your top five fics by kudos?

All of these are older and Batfandom so I’m not even remotely surprised by this.

Family Gatherings Dick wakes up to a text from Bruce asking that the whole family meet at the Manor that night, causing him to stress out all day.

No Judgement Damian crashes at Jason's apartment and has to explain to Jason why.

Nursing a Sick Bird Tim loses contact with his family when he gets sick for a week, causing Dick to come and check in on him.

Bat Kid Jam Sessions All of Bruce's kids play an instrument which gives Dick Grayson and Jason Todd an idea.

Annual Wayne Enterprises Take Your Kid to Work Day Bruce has Tim, Damian, and Dick all coming to WE for the day and he's a bit nervous over what kind of mess they might make.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do! Though I see now there’s a bunch sitting there that I haven’t yet. I’ll get to them when I’ve got more spoons. I love interacting with people and knowing what they like about my stories and writing. It makes me really really happy.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

I don’t really write angst? I don’t think I write angst. I write a lot of ennui. So much ennui. And bittersweet endings. Donna Troy and the Outlaws may be the closest to an angsty ending cause they only get one resurrection out of a possible two? But again, it’s more bittersweet than anything.

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve ever written?

DO I EVER. Yes. Yes I write crossovers. Mainly modern au newsies/les mis cause it just makes sense. The craziest one has to be from my main newsies/les mis series A crooked politician? Yeah but that ain't news no more where I dropped so many references in media, networking, and other things you don't learn in a lecture to Hairspray and Hamilton characters that I wrote the “shit show” of the four musicals being combined in a modern au that I alluded to (and I think I was encouraged if I remember correctly) and it’s called Cautionary Tale.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not so much hate as someone doing what was essentially a “well, actually” on the politics in one of my Crooked Politician fics. The moral of the story is character views and emotions and blatant optimism do not directly reflect that of the author and I did study political science and know my stuff. OH! And then there’s my crowning glory of a DIFFERENT Crooked Politician fic being quoted out of context in a New York Times article. That isn’t really hate but it was certainly something.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Haha. No.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I welcome translations and podfics!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! @wordshakerofgallifrey and I cowrote Costs of Civil Disobedience as part of her Piano Man au and by that I mean were LITERALLY typing in the same doc at the same time. It was wild and amazing. From Across the Bar isn’t cowritten but is my companion to her fic Play Me A Memory. @radioactivepigeons were working on a leverage!newsies au but then we both got busy.

What's your all time favorite ship?

I? Don’t think I have one? Uh... Beatrice and Benedick from Much Ado About Nothing? Parker/Hardison/Eliot from Leverage are the ultimate ot3? I care very little about ships. If I like it, I like it. If it squicks me, it squicks me. If I don’t care, I don’t care. Sorry?

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Oh the Batfam Ghostbusters au. The concept is still solid but I just don’t have the motivation or know where I would go with what stands. If anything I’d strip it for parts and write it new.

What are your writing strengths?

I have been told my descriptions are really strong but personally I think that my character voices/dialogue is. Also my ability to write teenaged ennui. Any ennui. It’s a mood.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Grammar! I do weird shit with my sentence breaks and make run ons and just absolutely butcher punctuation. And balancing characters in ensembles. That’s hard.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’m going to quote @radioactivepigeons here cause I agree with it wholeheartedly and she puts it better than I possibly can rn: “I think there needs to be a narrative purpose. Like, is it building dramatic irony? Is someone being purposefully excluded from the conversation? Is there a characterization where the linguistic difference matters?“ If the answer is no then just note it’s being said in the other language.

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Actually physically wrote a story out? Batman. I wrote a “patrol report” as Batgirl to my friend as though she were Robin in middle school as part of a christmas present.

What's your favourite fic you've ever written?

Oh this is hard. Uh glitter and gold is like my love of DC characters made manifest and is absurdly long but like there’s certainly scenes I like more than others. Three Card Draw might be my favorite? I love the vibes and the little world I made and using it to work out my own thoughts about gods and magic as a stepping stone for my original stuff.

Since I think literally everyone I know in the newsies fandom has been tagged in this at some point I’m going to kick it towards the dc folks. Absolutely no pressure to do this. @audreycritter @oh-mother-of-darkness @sohotthateveryonedied @preciousthingsareprecious @whore4batfam

#personal #long post #own writing #my fic

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nikkoliferous · 4 years ago

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Phase One: Thor

Since I was looking up my past live-blog of the novel and realising how annoying and repetitive reading through it all is because of my having structured it as a bunch of reblogs, I’ve decided to organize it all into one long-ass post instead. In case anyone else wants to read it in the future. Or in case I decide to re-read it. Because I’m hilarious. 😅

SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO

My Hilarious Yet Wrathful Overview Of Phase One: Thor, Redux

—

If your son who’s to become king requires a babysitter to not screw it all up and also the idea of him being king is stressful enough to put you into a coma, maybe, uh… reconsider doing that? Just a thought.

But you see here why Odin was so deadset on Thor becoming king, despite him being ill-suited for the role. It’s not about what’s best for Asgard; it’s about personal legacy. Thor is Odin’s mini me, and Loki is very much not. There are places within the text where Odin laments Thor “lacking his father’s wisdom” (he’s definitely inherited your humility, though, Odin!), but he hopes for Thor to grow into a “wise king” like himself. Whereas he holds no such illusions (lol, pun) that Loki will ever take after him.

now with tag commentary! #this scene is in the script and both novelizations #(though in reading this novel seems to just be a more complete version of the junior novel? #idk i'm confused because they're supposedly written by different authors but so far the text is identical) #and it drives me insane each time i read it

“Haha, I’m a warmongering piece of shit, isn’t it funny?”

I know, I know. I try to cut Asgard some slack for being such a militaristic culture because social changes happen slowly and when you live for thousands of years per generation, it makes sense that your views on things like war would be regressive. The text says Odin has ruled Asgard for tens of thousands of years (so much for taking Loki’s “give or take 5,000 years” line literally; sure, the Odinsleep would have extended Odin’s lifespan, but by that much? Idk).

Still, fuck Odin. Especially since he’ll eventually try to shame Loki for doing the same thing he’s fucking boasting about here. And on a much smaller scale too.

…is it, though?

I actually think Loki’s relationship with being the centre of attention is really interesting in its complexity and we don’t discuss it enough. I’ve said this before, but he strikes me as the sort of person who craves attention but also wouldn’t really know what to do with it if he had it. He craves it as a result of neglect, because he’s never been shown recognition or validation. This is why he seems to revel in it in Stuttgart, even in (or maybe especially in?) his brainwashed state. But he also frequently comes across as pretty introverted and has horrible self-esteem, so I think on another level, sustained, genuine attention would make him feel kind of uncomfortable. Loki seems to believe that in order to be loved or respected, he has to literally be Thor, though. And Thor has always been the centre of attention, so for Loki, attention is synonymous with respect.

I find Loki’s relationship with wanting attention especially fascinating because I too both crave and fear it. As a borderline, I need it. When no one is paying attention to me, I lose my sense of identity. I feel as though I literally cease to exist. It’s excruciatingly painful. And yet, I have no authentic sense of self; I’m just a chameleon, and the closer people get to me, the more likely it is they’ll see behind my mask. They’ll realise it’s all a show and that I’m actually no one. And then they’ll leave. I can’t help wondering if that’s how Loki feels sometimes too.

Wait, what? You mean goat. His horns are shaped like a goat’s. This is a ram:

This is a goat:

This is Loki:

Do you see now? They’re like a goat. Not a ram. Not a cow. A GOAT.

This book was written before Ragnarok was a thing, so it may be unfair to connect the two, but it still seems worth noting that it was Thor who reduced Loki to being no more than a trickster to begin with. “You could be more,” my ass. Loki’s problem has never been that he was one-dimensional; it was always that the people in his life, including Thor, refused to see any other dimensions to him. Which makes those words particularly cruel—as if they aren’t cruel enough already, what with the physical torture and all.

Always happy to have cause to point out that

Loki was on Thor clean-up duty their whole lives; he certainly was not trying to kill Thor.

People like to point to Loki’s attempted genocide of the Jötnar and attempted(-ish? lol) conquest of Earth as proof that he’s some kind of violent maniac. But in a little place I like to call reality, Loki was historically far less aggressive and bloodthirsty than his peers.

Question: why is one conqueror evil and the other is righteously entitled to ruling over the Nine Realms?

Asgardian exceptionalism FTW

I can’t even begin to imagine what would lead you to expect such a thing, Odin. 😂

Uh, ‘cause it is?? And also their planet is MELTING without it??

This is all only within the first two chapters, btw. Lmao

—

“Looking for answers,” my foot.

YOU WOULD THINK SO, WOULDN’T YOU??

#i mean unless you knew heimdall #he only commits treason on days that end in y

—

What’d I say? Thor clean-up dutyyyyy

Just wanna remind everyone that this

is why he’s smiling during this scene

because it makes me laugh every time. 😂

—

My heart breaks every time I remember that second excerpt because literally ALL OF IT happened to him when he survived falling through the wormhole. My poor boy. 😭

But also of note… Loki gets cold (and also does not like being cold). This interests me because 1) as many are aware, the prevalent headcanon that Loki has a low body temperature irritates me and 2) it possibly(?) lends weight to the theory that he may not be fully Jötun, whether by virtue of his birth or Odin’s spell.

Haha, look at this Feminist Icon™ trying to take credit for his female friend’s accomplishments! Truly inspiring.

#for some reason the ragnarok lovers have somehow decided that thor is both a feminist and lesbian icon #whatever that means 🤷‍♀️ #and i'm still trying very hard to figure out why #is it literally just because he *says* he respects women or whatever in that dumb rambly conversation with valkyrie?

Ooh… you were so close to getting the point, Volstagg. So close. Take your tongue off Odin’s boot for just a couple minutes longer.

Also, the author just forgot the name of the Casket. How did this book get published? 😂

JUST LOOKING FOR ANSWERS, HUH?

Because fuck Loki, amirite? He, uh… he’s a prince too, you know.

Also… Fandral, you dweeb 😂

…am I reading too much into this, or did Odin just literally forget that Loki exists?

On the other hand, the author also seemed to forget Loki existed for most of this chapter, so who knows. 🤷‍♀️

lmao @ Jane immediately trying to convince herself she’s too rational to be attracted to a stranger

Honestly, though, big mood.

Just your periodic reminder that Thor’s sycophantic friends KNEW Loki was right and decided to throw him under the bus anyway.

Just as I’ve always said: That was it. That was their ENTIRE rationale. That Loki *could* have done it, therefore he must have. Please tell me these people have nothing to do with Asgard’s justice system.

…lol, jk, Asgard has no justice system.

Ok, first of all, no.

Second: thank you, Fandral. You’re a self-absorbed cad, but also evidently Thor’s least stupid friend.

Thirdly, how…? First, it was, “Loki arranged all this because he’s jealous of Thor.” Now they’ve suddenly jumped all the way to, “All of Asgard is in danger.” What exactly does Sif think Loki is planning? He’s gonna, what… assassinate Odin and then sell Asgard to the Jötnar?

—

Please stop hurting me.

Just so there’s no confusion: this one sentence explains everything Loki did for the rest of the movie. It explains how a person who has been historically non-aggressive suddenly transforms into a warmonger. To prove himself a real Asgardian, like his brother and father and grandfather.

—

…why did Odin fall into the Odinsleep in two completely different scenes in this book? I’m super confused.

Also, we really need to talk about how cruel it is of Marvel to keep forcing Loki to prove his loyalty again and again and again when he’s been doing so almost literally since we met him. And by “we need to talk about it”, I mean I need to tie Kevin Feige and co. to a chair and spend a minimum of five hours lecturing them on how poorly they understand their own fucking character.

Let’s just be clear here: they’re talking about Loki. They’re saying Loki, their LEGITIMATE king, is an enemy of Asgard, based on evidence so paper-thin it’s practically invisible. Just… please, let that sink in. Take a moment to appreciate how utterly fucked up that is.

I’m sorry (not really), but Thor was so much funnier before Ragnarok.

This scene has always kind of bugged me. If Odin removed Thor’s powers, how come he can still control the weather? Confusing.

So what exactly was Thor’s plan anyway, before he realised he couldn’t lift Mjölnir? He was just gonna call on Heimdall to help him commit treason AGAIN, show up on Asgard against the expressed command of his king, and… Odin would just shrug and be like, “You got me, son! I guess I can’t keep you down. Welcome home!”?

…I mean, I guess that more or less is what happened in the end, but it’s hard to imagine it would have still gone down that way without all the stuff that happened with Loki. Idk.

#look what i'm saying is... thor is not exactly a thinking person #no one on asgard is a thinking person #except loki but he's crazy now so he's also thinking somewhat poorly lol

Cool, Thor. Now imagine feeling that way for ONE THOUSAND YEARS and develop a little fucking empathy for your brother.

But you won’t.

You’ll brush off his feelings of worthlessness as “imagined slights”. 😒

Nice that somebody knows how the royal line of succession works, I guess…

That sound you hear? Yeah, that’s just my heart breaking. NBD.

First, they mislabelled it the Casket of Eternal Winters. Now it’s the Cask of Ancient Winters. Author must have been thirsty when they wrote this. Lol

Look, not to nitpick, but this is not the recommended procedure when you see a storm that you don’t believe is of supernatural origin coming. I’m just saying. Lol

Uh… ‘cause he is?? And your pals are committing treason AGAIN, Thor, so it technically is responding to a threat to Asgard. Just FYI.

Anyways, this is an important point that doesn’t get made often enough. People want to act like Loki illegally usurped the throne somehow, but even without the deleted scene that explicitly shows Frigga passing rulership to him (a scene which is, for some reason, entirely skipped over in this book, but whatever), understand this: Loki could not have controlled the Destroyer unless he was legitimately King of Asgard. The fact that he’s able to do so is irrefutable proof that his rulership is valid.

lmao you little shit

So… here’s my issue with this scene (and with Thor as a character): He always assumes that Loki’s acting out specifically to hurt him. That Loki’s entire life and thought process revolves around Thor. He does it in this scene, he does it in The Avengers… it’s just a chronic thing with Thor. Everything is viewed through the lens of Loki inexplicably hating him.

But that’s… just not accurate. Yes, Loki harbours a lot of jealousy towards Thor. But that’s not what’s happening in this scene. Loki is not trying to kill Thor here because he wants him dead; he’s doing it because Thor (and his friends) are getting in the way of Loki completing his ultimate goal. Loki tried to solve this problem non-violently, by lying about Odin being dead. It’s Thor’s friends who all but forced his hand by going behind his back and trying to bring Thor back to Asgard against Loki’s (and Odin’s!) direct orders.

For all the humility he’s learned in the past few days, this entire speech is still really all about Thor. About assuming that Loki’s doing this for personal reasons, because he holds a grudge against Thor for some unknown reason. This is implicit in his request to “take [my life] and end this.” It never even occurs to him that his friends are traitors to the Crown and Loki, as King of Asgard, is perhaps justified in pursuing them.

It also needs to be acknowledged that Thor’s apology here is hollow, even if it’s ultimately coming from his heart, because he has no idea what he’s apologising for. “Whatever I have done to wrong you” is not an apology. An apology addresses specific hurtful actions taken and commits to not repeating those mistakes in the future. Thor cannot commit to not repeating the hurtful things he’s done, because he doesn’t know what he’s done. Despite his best intentions, what Thor is doing here is actually kind of manipulative. He’s not addressing any substantive issue between the two of them; he’s just trying to talk Loki down. And it ultimately fails not because Loki doesn’t care or because he wants Thor dead, but because it doesn’t actually change anything.

Finally and only semi-relatedly, we should maybe at some point talk about the fact that Loki, who is stated to be a master tactician, has displayed a weird pattern of hardly ever being as lethal as he could be. He freezes Heimdall in place instead of killing him outright; he backhands Thor with the Destroyer instead of incinerating him; he, well… *gestures vaguely at almost the entirety of the first Avengers movie* Anytime the violence is even a little bit personal, he seems to hedge. Odd behaviour for somebody who’s supposedly super evil.

I’m sorry, I know I’ve pointed it out at least a hundred times before, but I just can’t encounter this scene in any form without taking a moment to appreciate how underrated and hilarious it is.

I also genuinely wonder how many Ragnarok stans who have accused me of having no sense of humour, have failed to laugh at moments like this one. Kinda feel like if you need to have the comedy spoonfed to you in the form of ass jokes, maybe you’re the one whose sense of humour is lacking. 🤷‍♀️

Let’s be super clear: this is not what happened. Loki did not betray Odin; he was betrayed by Odin. He did not open Asgard to its enemies; he attempted, misguidedly, to destroy Asgard’s enemies. And he most certainly did not commit suicide out of a sense of guilt.

I’m not saying Loki did nothing wrong, nor am I saying he feels no regret for the lives he has taken. What I’m saying is there’s no indication that he believes he betrayed Odin or Asgard in the process. Which makes perfect sense, because he didn’t. Everything he tried to do was for Odin and Asgard. It was misguided and horrible, yes, but it can hardly be classified as a betrayal.

The insurmountable burden on Loki is not that he did terrible things, but that no matter what he does or how hard he tries, Odin will never look at him with anything but contempt. Consider once more these passages from the very beginning of the book, at Thor’s coronation:

—

Consider that this book goes to great pains to point out that Odin favours Thor because Thor is a warrior like him. And yet even when Loki embraces that, even when he acts more war-like than ever before, Odin rejects him— just as he always has.

There is a reason why this moment is the last time Loki will ever call Odin his father. Because he realises once and for all that, no, nothing he tries will ever be good enough; no, Odin won’t ever look at him with pride. That is Loki’s burden. That is why he lets go.

The epilogue is really just two pages of making me want to vomit.

There’s your party where Thor and a certain subset of the fandom insist that Loki was mourned. There’s barely an indication here that anyone even perceives his demise as a negative thing.

“[Sif] could see Frigga thought [Loki was dead] as well” also contradicts the tie-in comic for TDW, so I don’t know what the author is on about there. Unlike the majority of Marvel comics, the tie-in comics are canon to the MCU, so it’s a bizarre statement to make.

COULD YOU SMEAR THE DEAD* ABUSE VICTIM A LITTLE HARDER, PLEASE? Fucking hell.

No matter how many times I encounter this scene, in whatever format, I still fail to become desensitized to how disgusting it is. I realise there’s a good chance that whatever version of events Thor has been told was twisted at best; but how you can look at a man whose son has just committed suicide under any circumstances and say there will never be a better father than that guy, is utterly beyond my capacity to understand.

And Odin’s “you’ve already made me proud” line just feels like extra salt in the wound because, again, Loki let go because he realized Odin would never say those words to him. And yet they come so damn easily when it’s Thor.

Fuck this entire family so much. I think I hate them more than Loki does. Sometimes I wonder what he would think about that. How he would react to knowing that not only is he actually loved, but that he’s so loved that people are genuinely furious at the way he’s been mistreated. That there are people who regularly devolve into full-on rants because they just can’t contain how much anger they have towards the people who hurt him. I think he’d have a hard time wrapping his head around that concept, tbh.

Anyways, to end on a not-completely-depressing note, I’m still waiting for someone at Marvel to explain how Loki knew what Thor said in this scene after plummeting into a wormhole. ‘Cause he references this conversation as Fauxdin at the end of TDW. So like… ?? Did he steal Odin’s memories before he erased them? Because that would be… kind of neat, actually. And very clever. Not entirely ethical, of course, but it’s Odin, so fuck ethics.

WELP, THAT’S IT. Thanks for following along with my dumbassery, hope you enjoyed yourselves. Lol

#phase one: thor #loki meta #thor meta #odin's a+ parenting #frigga's b+ parenting #topic: thor and loki's broken relationship #loki #thor #heimdall #lady sif #the warriors 3 #jane foster #ragnarok cinematic universe #mcu #topic: asgardian hypocrisy #topic: asgardian militarism #topic: odin's family dynamic

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rebel-without-cause-x · 4 years ago

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Please Wake Up

Jax Teller x Reader

Requested By: @minnicelli // hi! how are you? i would like to do a request for Jax with the prompts 5 & 10. Jax and the reader have a solid relationship but Jax is so full of club shit that he’s been distant and cold with her, they fight and she says all that’s bothering her in the situation and he doesn’t care much, until days after that she got into an accident (or kidnapped, something bad happens, it’s your choice) and he realize the shit he was doing. 5 “Wake up! Please wake up.” 10 “Do you even still love me?” thank u!

SOA Tag List; @chibsytelford @talicat713 @corebore123 @nothingeverdies @teapartydreams @mrspeacem1nusone @khyharah @itmejado @woahitslucyylu @beth-winchester21 @minnicelli @everyhowlmarksthedead @trulysuccubus

Another night spent alone curled up in front of the TV. You wanted nothing more than to spend the night curled up in your boyfriends arms but that hadn’t happened for a couple of months.

You knew shit was going off at the club and you weren't going to push things, but you didn’t know how long you could take it. You just felt lonely.

Hearing the front door close and the thud of Jax’s trainers on the hardwood floor, glancing up at the clock you realised that Jax was home before 11pm. Pushing yourself up off the sofa you padded into the kitchen to see Jax stood over the kitchen sink.

“Hey” you said softly leaning against the fridge.

“I’m not in the mood babe” Jax huffed looking out the window.

“You never are any more” you sighed “I know shit is getting tough with the club, I understand that but please stop shutting me out”

“You don’t know half of what’s going on” Jax snapped.

“Because you have been acting so distant baby” you sighed as tears clouded your vision. “I love you with all my heart but I don’t know how much I can take Jax”

He did turn around, just ran his hands through his hairs.

“Do you even still love me?” You whimpered “because right now I feel like I’m second best to everything”

“I can’t believe you just asked me that” Jax laughed.

You couldn’t believe it, his response, you knew it was because he was tired and stressed but it stung.

“Baby I know you are stressed, but it’s affecting me now, I’m constantly worried about you. You aren’t thinking straight because of this shit with the Irish. I don’t know the ins and outs of what’s going on but sooner or later I’m going to lose you, whether it’s from breaking up or even worse you dying” you said as a tear rolled down your cheek.

“I don’t wanna talk about this right now” Jax sighed walking out of the kitchen. You heard his heavy footsteps disappear upstairs followed by the sound of the shower. As much as you hated leaving him alone it was what was best. You both had a temper and the last thing you wanted was to start world war 3.

Yet again you woke up to an empty bed, Jax's side was cold and looked untouched, you knew just by looking he slept on the sofa. Your thoughts were confirmed when you saw the spare duvet and pillow bunched in the corner of the sofa and the house once again empty.

No morning cuddles in bed making you late for work, no morning kisses that left you wanting more, no morning coffee brewing. Just silence.

Like every morning for the past month, you showered, got dressed and headed off to work. However this morning it didn’t quite go that way. You had just finished getting dressed when you heard the sound of a window breaking downstairs.

Your heart was beating so fast you thought it was going to burst out your chest as you scurried round the room trying to find the spare gun Jax kept, in case of emergencies. You could hear him now giving you the big I told you so speech. But he wasn’t here and you were shit scared as you heard the sounds of footsteps coming upstairs alongside the sound of two Irish men.

“Fuck” you mumbled as you finally found the gun and retreating into the wardrobe. Reaching down to your pocket you realised your phone was on the kitchen table.

This was it you were going to die.

“She’s got to be around here somewhere” one of the men said as you heard the tear your room apart. It was then the doors of the wardrobe opened. “Found her”

“Get off me” you screamed fighting with everything you had but it was no use, he was a lot stronger than you.

A fist connected with your face causing you to whimper.

“Oh shut up bitch” the man laughed punching you again.

“Why are you doing this?” You asked as he literally dragged you out the house.

“Your old man took something of ours without paying for it so we are taking something of his” the other guy smirked as you were chucked in the back of a van.

You weren't a religious person but right now you found yourself praying to any and all of the gods.

“Somethings wrong” Jax sighed as he checked his phone.

It didn’t matter if you got in a fight or he was in a mood you would always text him just before you started work at 9, a text that showed you still cared for him even after he was acting cold. But he didn’t get that text this morning.

“Maybe she forgot her phone” juice shrugged and Jax nodded in agreement.

Pushing the thoughts aside they gathered round the table trying to decide what the best way to deal with the Irish was.

It was around 7pm when Jax pulled into the driveway, the hairs on the back of his neck standing. Everything in his body was telling him something was wrong and this was confirmed as he saw the glass on the front door shattered, your phone on the kitchen table and a couple of spots of blood on the cream carpet.

Running as fast as he could upstairs he took in the carnage that had happened just hours before. If only he had listened to his gut feeling first thing this morning.

Dropping to his knees at the foot of the bed, he held his head in his hands. It was in that moment he realised how he had been treating you, acting cold and distant yet you still stayed with him. His mind went back to the previous night when you voiced your concerns and he just shrugged them off, and slept on the sofa.

His heart dropped at the fact you probably thought he didn’t love you, as he didn’t exactly answer the question when you asked last night.

One thing was for sure, when he found you he had made a promise to himself never to treat you like he had over the last month or so.

- - -

The room was dark, cold and damp. You had no idea what time it was or how long you had been here or whether Jax was bothered that you were gone.

Leaning back against the wall your body ached from lying on the concrete floor. All you wanted to do was snuggle in the arms of your boyfriend, but you knew what wasn’t going to happen any soon.

You could hear voices but couldn’t quite make out what they were saying but you definitely heard Jax’s name mentioned a couple of times.

- - -

“This really isn’t helping Jax” Tig said, crouching in front of him as he sat with his back against the bed surrounded by the trashed room.

It had been 6 days since you got taken and every lead they had went cold. Which was why he was leaning against the bed getting high, he hadn’t slept or showered in days.

He didn’t say anything just carried on smoking the blunt, trying to forget, this was all his fault. If he hadn’t rushed out the house that morning he would have been there to protect you. He knew it was the Irish that had taken you but you could be anywhere now.

“Jax you need to see this” Juice came running into with a laptop.

Looking up at the screen he saw you laying on the floor. His heart broke just looking at it and it broke even more when Juice hit play.

“Jackson, as you can see she doesn’t have much left in her” Jimmy's voice laughed. “We warned you after you ambushed us and stole our guns we would get our payback”

“I always wondered how long the human body could go without food or drink and I guess I know the answer now”

Anger surged through Jax’s blood as he kept his eyes trained on you whimpering in the background, weakly calling his name.

“You have 3 days to return what you stole or I’m putting a bullet through her pretty little skull”

The video went black.

“Fucking Irish bastard” Jax roared pushing himself to his feet. Just seeing you still alive gave him a bit of hope.

- - -

“Trust me he won’t be returning the guns” Jimmy laughed crouching in front of you as he dragged his knife over your cheek.

You just felt so weak and numb, you just laid there as he cut you.

“If.. if you’re gonna kill me….just do it” you said weakly between coughs.

“There’s no fun in that now,” he smirked, removing the knife. “Jackson will regret trying to steal from us”

You had just gotten to the point of giving up, your body was so weak, you were so hungry and so thirsty it actually hurt. All you wanted was to tell Jax you love him, close your eyes and give up completely.

Time passed but you had no idea how long you had been stuck in this dingy basement, or if Jax was even trying to find you. The sounds of fun fire drew your attention to the ceiling, someone was here, you just needed to hold on a little bit longer, but you could feel your body slipping into the darkness.

All you could hear was Jax shouting his head off, followed by the sound of footsteps on the metal stairs.

He came to find you. You tried so hard to hold on but your body was too weak as you slipped into the darkness.

Without a second though Jax shot at the hinges of the door before kicking it down.

He didn’t think his heart could break anymore but it did, as soon as he saw you laying on the ground. Running over to you he couldn’t hold the tears back as he brushed some hair out of your face. He took in your appearance and sighed as he saw the cuts littering your soft skin, and the dried blood on your cheek.

One silver lining was he could feel your pulse, granted it was weak but it was still there. He knew he needed to get you medical attention and fast.

“Wake up!” He sobbed as he scooped you into his arms “Princess please wake up.”

#jax teller fanfiction #jax teller one shot #jax teller imagine #jax teller x reader #jax teller #sons of anarchy one shot #sons of anarchy x reader #sons of anarchy imagine #sons of anarchy

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honeytae · 4 years ago

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Can I help you relax?

hello, i’m back with a little smut piece for my man jin. in summary, jin’s partner helps him loosen up a bit when he’s stressed out. honestly this was a vision i had after seeing a photo of jin manspreading on my twitter feed and i just had to put it into writing ;)

tags: @mochiloverbts

genre: smut

warnings: oral sex

word count: 1.7k

Jin was exhausted. Totally and completely drained. He had been practicing new choreographies for hours, working hard with his members to prepare for performances already booked for comeback shows into next year.

As he trudged to your apartment door, all he wanted was to be in your presence. You were someone who he felt safe with, someone who would never judge him or critique him on what he should be doing differently.

He stopped in front of your apartment door, digging in his pocket for the key you’d given him not too long after you’d started dating. He smiled at the memory, remembering how the gesture made him so happy to be in a mature relationship with you. He inserted his key into the door, twisting until he heard the signature ‘click’ of the lock sliding from the door frame.

He turned the knob, pushing the door open with his shoulder and tiredly shutting it behind him. He was met with silence instead of the usual sound of voices from the television, shuffling out of his shoes and making his way to the living room, setting his keys on the table in the hallway.

His eyes fell on your figure on the couch, laying on your stomach in one of his massive t-shirts. Your nose was buried in a book, your demeanor calm as you didn’t seem to notice his appearance.

“Hi, angel.” He said as he walked into the room, pausing his steps as you lifted your head in surprise, smiling at his sudden appearance in your home.

“Oh, hi baby.” You greeted him, leaving your book open as you set it down on the fabric below you.

He walked over to the couch, crawling onto the cushions on his hands and knees before plopping his stomach onto your back. His chin came to rest on your shoulder, hooking his pointer finger into his shirt worn by you and pulling the neckline over to the side so that he could place a kiss to the soft skin there.

“What are you reading?” he asked softly, fingers coming to massage your shoulders as his head lifted to press kisses to the hair on the back of yours.

Your eyes continued to scan the words through his touch on you, but you’d be lying if you said that your brain was registering anything other than him now.

“It’s about cultures of the world,“ you hummed, before giggling, “not that I’m actually reading anymore.” You rose from your spot on the couch, lifting yourself with your arms as Jin raised his body in a reaction to your movement. You flipped underneath him, landing on your back as you looked up at his slight smile. He leaned down to meet your lips, puckering against them softly before pulling away.

“Really, now? A little distracted, baby?” he chuckled, proud of the affect he always had on you.

“Don’t flatter yourself.” you scoffed, taking the opportunity to push against his shoulders to get him to sit up, hooking your leg around his hip to boost yourself onto his lap. He welcomed you with open arms as he leaned against the back of the couch, wrapping his long limbs around your hips and connecting his hands at the bottom of your spine.

You admired him properly for the first time since he’d walked in, dark hair slightly disheveled and eyes puffy from exhaustion. You leaned forward to press your chest to his, feeling his arms squeeze your waist to hold you to him as your lips met his halfway in a sweet kiss.

“How was today?” you asked, Jin shrugging in response with an indifferent expression on his face.

“Very long.” He sighed, lifting the hem of your shirt and tracing his fingers lightly over the skin of your back.

You got everything you needed to know from those words, nodding in understanding which made him smile the tiniest bit. He loved being so effortlessly understood by you.

“You’re stressed.” You pointed out, hands coming to rest on his shoulders, massaging the muscles softly in an attempt to get them to loosen.

“A little bit.” He admitted, exhaling at your sweet touch on him.

“Can I help you relax?” you asked, Jin raising his eyebrows in curiosity.

You stroked his hair back from his forehead, kissing the now exposed skin and trailing your mouth down his temple, over his cheek and sprinkling kisses across his jawline.

He let out soft sighs into your ear, his body practically melting into the couch with your affection on him.

You leaned down to his neck, tracing your lips around his throat and placing open mouthed kisses on the skin. He hummed in approval, hands gripping your hips as he felt the tension in his body be lifted by your actions.

Your lips traveled over to the sensitive spot below his ear, enjoying his soft mewl when you sucked lightly, bringing a dark shade of red to the surface. You stuck your tongue out against his skin to soothe the bruise you’d put there, Jin’s breathing becoming more and more labored as you continued your ministrations.

You trailed your hands down his chest, his breath hitching in his throat as you lightly traced your pointer finger over his crotch. You felt him harden under the material as you began palming him, Jin’s face screwing up in pleasure as his hips began thrusting up into your hand to encourage your touch.

“Would that be a yes?” You teased, causing Jin to roll his eyes with a smile before leaning forward, smashing his mouth to yours messily.

Your tongues danced together, Jin massaging his tongue against yours as you swallowed his soft moans. You broke apart from him, smiling in pride as you leaned back and saw his widened pupils and swollen lips.

He watched with lustful eyes as you slid down his body, quickly unbuttoning his jeans and pulling the zipper down. Jin aided you in sliding his pants down his legs, lifting his hips from the couch as you reached to pull down the waistband of his boxer briefs as well.

His erection sprung up into the air, making you smirk at his reaction to you; always so easily turned on by your hands on him. He was fully hard, his tip an angry shade of red as it leaked slightly with his arousal.

You tugged his pants and underwear down to his ankles, leaving them bunched up there as you placed your palms on his knees and spread them to make room for your body between them.

You settled onto your knees on the ground, hands gripping his thighs and caressing the skin with your fingers lightly, making Jin whine in anticipation.

You decided to not tease him any longer, lowering your head to his erect member. Jin’s hips writhed below you as your breath fanned out across his sensitive tip, moaning softly when your hand came up to wrap around his dick, lightly stroking him up and down.

You kitten licked at his tip, moaning at the salty taste of his precum. Jin groaned as you attached your mouth to his tip, suckling harshly before pushing your mouth farther down his length.

He squeezed the fabric of the couch cushion underneath him as he watched your warm mouth take him in inch by inch, letting out a guttural moan as you began to bob your head.

“Your mouth is so good baby, fuck. You’re so good.” He praised you, slamming his palm down on the couch cushion as you sucked on his tip again in response to his words. The action caused your book to fly off the couch, both of you too immersed in each other to notice.

Jin sat up and reached over your shoulders, gathering your hair in his hands and pulling it into a makeshift ponytail so he could see you better.

You grabbed the base of his length, guiding him further inside your mouth as you sank down to meet your hand, twisting what you couldn’t fit into your mouth. You bobbed your head up and down, taking turns between paying his tip special attention and hollowing your cheeks to suck him harder.

All the while Jin was panting, moaning, making the most beautiful filthy noises you’d ever heard. Jin was always very vocal when you were intimate, but especially when you were on your knees for him.

You brought your mouth back up his dick, swirling your tongue around his sensitive tip as your eyes made contact with his.

“Ah, fuck!” He shouted, his head falling against the back of the couch as he bucked into your mouth. You simpered around him, thoroughly enjoying the reaction you got whenever his eyes focused on the sinful sight of your lips wrapped around him.

“Baby, baby, baby,” he chanted the pet name as if it was a mantra,“I-I’m not gonna l-last long, holy shit.” He whined, eyes clenched shut as you moaned on him, your mouth sending sweet vibrations through his hard muscle.

You allowed him to continue thrusting his hips into your throat, eyes watering slightly as his fingers gripped your hair, stinging your scalp.

You hollowed your cheeks around him again, making him groan as you sucked on him as hard as you could.

“Baby, I’m cumming.” He warned you, giving you the opportunity to retreat your mouth from him, although you didn’t.

You felt the hot shots of cum hit the back of your throat, four steady streams with Jin groaning as you swallowed the salty liquid, your throat closing on him as his weight rested on your tongue.

You milked all that you could out of him, Jin jolting lightly against you before you took the hint of his overstimulation. Your mouth popped off of him with a lewd wet pucker, lifting yourself off of your knees with your palms on his thighs.

Jin helped you with all the strength he could muster, offering his hands out to you as he tugged your body up onto his hips. You crawled up his body, sitting back on his lap as he gazed at you, eyes glassy and tired.

“Feel better?” You asked, studying Jin’s relaxed stature, muscles completely loosened compared to how tense they’d been when he initially walked into the apartment.

He nodded, panting as he let out a breathy chuckle. His skin was glistening with sweat, the purple hickey you’d placed under his ear shining with the light sheen of moisture over it.

“I love you.” He said softly, squeezing your hip in his hand as his eyes sparkled back at you.

“I love you, too, Jinnie.”

#bts #bts writing #bts x reader #bts imagine #bts imagines #bts fanfiction #bts smut #seokjin #seokjin writing #seokjin fanfiction #seokjin x reader #seokjin imagine #seokjin imagines #seokjin smut #writing #fanfiction #smut #imagines

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emeraldbabygirl · 4 years ago

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Hanbin was accused, Hanbin was cleared

Wonho was accused, Wonho was cleared

Woojin was accused. Woojin is cleared

Illhoon was accused. I believe Illhoon too will be cleared.

I can finally speak out on of the things that has been bothering me since the news broke out. At the time it was very scary and stressful as we were dealing with the wildfires in our state at the same time so I was already having a hard time. Woojin was my bias and I never believed he would do something like that. I know everyone says to believe the victim but innocent until proven guilty is still valid and victims lie, it happens often and we all know how fans and antis get sometimes, just like Wonho and Hanbin people will do anything to throw idols under the bus.

The scariest thing for me to see was how quick everyone was in defending Hanbin and Wonho and how quick the same people threw Woojin away, immediately spreading hate and sending death threat and calling him fake and all these names and just obnoxious behaiver. I understand we were all upset but you can’t just believe someone right away with no evidence and so many holes in their story. And sometimes it’s best to wait it out and then make a decision.

It wasn’t just Woojin that was caught up in the whirlwind, Jungwoo, Chanwoo, Hongjoong, Seonghwa and a few more that I can’t remember were also names thrown out from so many people. Their biggest thing was when they claimed he was a member from the big three, had a w and two o’s in his name. This is not a good statement because for one thing Woojin left Stray Kids and JYP so not only was he out of the big 3 but he’s not the only one with those letters in his name. Jungwoo and Chanwoo are also under the big three and have a w and two o’s in their names.

Back when it was so big on Twitter the Jungwoo tags were all stating that Woojin was innocent but the Stray Kids tags were saying he was guilty. Even the supposed person themselves posted one last tweet before delete the account stating it was all fake but no one took that screenshot so people were led to believe it was all fake

And then on the bullying, I’ve seen a lot of videos saying ‘this idol bullying this group’ or ‘this group bullying this member for 8 minutes’ and multiple videos being taken out of context and people claiming that since Woojin doesn’t speak a lot in some videos it’s proof he doesn’t get along and the member don’t like him. Y’all that’s not how things work. Just because you aren’t fully engaged in an activity or if you aren’t getting along doesn’t make you a bully or a bad person, Woojin was going through his own shit and idols lives are hard enough, if they feel out of it sometimes it’s not okay for us to immediately accuse them of such things like ‘they don’t like their members, they don’t get along, they are bullies.’

Idols live together and are around each other often so what you might see as “bullying” might just be them goofing off I mean ffs there is a video titled ‘ATEEZ bullying Seonghwa’ and y’all fine with that because they are only goofing around and teasing each other but you automatically assume from any footage or out of context video of Woojin playing with and teasing the members that he’s a bully. Why are you putting double standards on this? Bullying is a very serious accusation and rumors and spreading false information or any information with no evidence can ruin an idols careers. Tara and Co-Ed School unfortunately we’re big examples of this. The Tara bullying scandal ruined those girls and all the rumors and accusations caused Co-Ed School to disband before anyone could say everything was false. You have to be careful with what you say and what you hear and see cause if it’s not true and everyone believes it is you ruined a whole idols career before it can even be fixed.

Ok so, yes I know everyone says “the victim is always right” and it’s okay if you want to believe that but remember there are two sides to every story and both parties are valid until further evidence or actual evidence and you are able to prove whether or not something actually happened. I had some other things to say but I’ll let those slide and it doesn’t matter not because Woojin is innocent and it’s great news. I’m so relieved because he was my bias and I was so heartbroken when he left and when I heard about the trouble he was going through. I was so afraid to even say Woojin because everyone was censering it, acting like it was a bad name and that’s not fair on Woojin himself and it’s also not fair on the other idols named Woojin because there are at least 5 Woojins so for people to be doing that is like, you’re invalidating the other Woojin’s just because you think one Woojin is bad. Seeing people tag Woojin like w***** or w**jin and woojail and tw woojin is really upsetting and that’s not okay, that’s like bullying, calling him woojail is not okay at all. Pretending his name is a trigger when it’s not and if his name was a trigger than all the idols named Woojin would have that and censoring his name, again you’re invalidating all the other woojins. And everyone that says “ot8 or get the fuck out” or “if you still support Woojin fuck off” like..he’s literally fucking innocent. It was a bunch of Brazilian antis that started all the lies and rumors and after all the stories that don’t make sense and people still think he’s guilty and they are still sending him hate and being absolute assholes towards him. If you don’t want to believe that he’s innocent, if you don’t want to like him fine. Don’t talk about him don’t make a bunch of woojail posts, don’t send him hate or death threats because you’re 1. Making things worse and 2. Care enough about him to make his life miserable which is exactly what antis do and what those antis did. It pisses me off and upsets me how fast everyone just turned on him and they continue to bully him and send him unnecessary hate. Also it’s ok to tag Stray kids and Woojin because he was a member of Stray Kids so don’t give people shit for tagging Stray Kids.

So I’m gonna end this posts educating y’all about the multiple Woojins and it’s okay to say and spell Woojin you guys. It’s alright, you won’t get in trouble. So Woojin, my boy who I miss so so much Kim Woojin who was in Stray Kids, there’s my Thot Woojin from Target, an amazing rapper btw, I do believe there is a Woojin in AB6IX and of course there is the hot Woojin from My.st who just has this whole vibe to him that is dead sexy. Also the Woojin from Teenteen/Ghost9 and also also your gurl found a sexy man, despite me not being into body builders, I found a man on Insta named Kim Woojin and he is definitely a fucking snaCC. So thanks and enjoy the Woojins. I can get back to making my memes again. I’m just sad that I believed and jumped to conclusions and deleted some Woojin posts. But I stopped myself before I deleted all of them

ALSO ALSO recently it’s been pointed out how did Woojin has been and someone described it as what Jonghyun looked like before he left us. Woojin is my boy and I’ve been worrying about him ever since he left Stray Kids and I swear on god Hui and my camera roll if he hurts himself in any way or we lose another wonderful person I will blame Bangchan. I will blame Felix, I will blame JYP and I will blame everyone that started the rumors, the lies, the people that sent Woojin mean messages, death threats, bullying him because you don’t need to like an idol no matter what they do but bullying them and sending unnecessary hate to them is not ok no matter what they did. Even if it’s bad just ignore it because you sending them mean comments doesn’t make you any better. I was already pissed off at fans and everyone else and Bangchan and Felix for all the mean comments and everything else they were doing and I’ll be even more pissed off if this whole situation was too much for him on top of his depression and he ended his life.

Ok you know what, I’m so fucking pissed off over these posts I’m seeing on tumblr and I’m upset and I’m still having thoughts on whether or not I should post this but you know what. I don’t care. It’s my blog, it’s my opinion and it’s my feelings that I need to get off my chest. Kim Woojin is innocent and if I get any hate of any kind my stomach will do flips but y’all should know better especially if you don’t agree with me so have fun I guess I’ll probably delete or block you so I don’t have to hear your meany-ness. It’s my opinion, my post and my blog and if you don’t like it then I have nothing to say to you.

#in the great words of brian may ‘fack off’#stray kids #woojin #kim woojin #uwujin #baby bear #the kpop community is so toxic with their cancel culture its disgusting #personal #a rant #i want to be all fuck off but im losing mutuals over this i know it #and that makes me sad #i know i have mutuals that dont like woojin so i feel like this will just end the friendship #oh well i guess

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winterrhayle · 4 years ago

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ok, some of u have probably noticed by now that tegan has deactivated her account (@lethughandsimonkiss) and she sent me this to explain why: (everything in italics was written by tegan)

There are things more important than what I'm upset over. Tumblr really isn't a great place anyway. And when you just get buried beneath it, it doesn't help anything. There are so many things dying on it, i wont be surprised if Tumblr deletes itself in two years. The sharing of content is too much all in itself. I think you guys already know about that. I didn't even know what i was doing on tumblr, i was just there to have fun.

But the more time i spent on it, the more it seemed it didn't matter. I wanted to apart of the Renegades fandom. And the only i came apart of it was the reblogs right? People starting seeing what i did, and you accepted me. That was cool. I mean, yea i wanted to popular like the big blogs but i was never gonna get there. That was fine with me until i had to learn about how tumblr worked. That caused me stress. I started just wandering around tumblr, dead minded. Eventually that writers stand thing happened and it took a lot out of me. I didn't really participate but i did take the time to reflect on why i was even on tumblr.

I suppose its just some people i cant be in the same room with.

I cant really consider what is fair and what isnt. I mean i guess it sucks when something you work hard on basically gets shit on. Was it fair? Not really, no actually. Was it really something to delete your account over? No, it wasn't (keeping in mind this isn't really what i deleted it for) But when you really try to reach just to get shot down, you can't help but think about it right? I couldn't help it. Yes, it was stupid but i wasn't expecting it to blow up like that

. It just discouraged me from everything. I was trying so hard for something that was never gonna happen. Sure, i was holding a grudge. But the damage is done. And it sucks. I just want to be able to enjoy something without someone going all uwu on me. Its disappointing. I was disappointed in this more than angry( even if i seemed to come off as angry). I thought fandoms were supposed to be fun spaces, not something you dread over. I know i seem bitchy about this one thing, but it just sucks, ok? It made ALOT of questions run through my head nonstop. I want to be able to forget about it.

it's actually more things i just cant deal with. I could tell you more reasons but i dont wanna keep your time more than i already have. Tumblr has actually caused me more pain than comfort, even when i was just sitting there, watching y'all argue over generally nothing. Maybe some time, this or next week (if im lucky that is) i can make a new account and start fresh. Without grudges, no regrets, and no jealousy or whatever. Maybe my therapy will fix that. I know it seems dumb to mention therapy over fucking tumblr but my first session actually explained alot, (about me dreading, not being able to sleep, the questions) I guess deleting it was a first small step. And i will say goodbye (at least for this moment) with this : You can still support each other. Just enjoy each others presence. Encourage each other. Make their time as worthy as yours. Please. Its actually not that hard. It doesn't really contradict anything.

So if you wanna talk to me: insta: capsnhoodies, ao3:mangoesntangoes

I still post to insta( cuz i fuck around on my stories), and i like to post fics on ao3 cuz Tumblr eats them.

Thanks for everything anyway <3 Hope to get back to you all soon

she’d rly appreciate it if u signal boosted this so i’m gonna tag a bunch of ppl to spread it round

@honey-harper-official @furryevanderwade @cerenoya @thepurpledragon4444 @sanktaleksander @emybain @cinderswrench @scxundress @jacihayle @half-heaven @cindersnightmare @strawberry-seraph @novas-tunnel-of-anxiety @blackpercyjckson @girlfriendisthemoon @novas-egg-beater @creampuffqueen @its-liiinh-cinder-official @healing-winston-pratt @alecjamesartino @teawithhoneyharper @queen-of-self-love @ohmyskies @pjo-and-jollof-rice @ztomazhipsclato @bisexualnovaartino @lavenderbloo @screennamealreadyused @peoplecallmeginger @idkchatie @emmabookworm08 @angstycatthatlikestea (sorry if i missed anyone)

#tegan tag

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lady-of-disdain · 4 years ago

Note

If you're so bothered by a cartoon ship (which... no words) still don't understand why you take it out on shippers, not like you could do much about the studio anyway, they don't care, as they should, but then being on our ass is entirely pointless... maybe that's the problem at the same time, maybe to some extent you do realise no one cares so you've decided persecuting a bunch of fan creators and consumers would be the next best thing. That said I feel it's imperative to point out, we're not Sunrise, we're not the ones with the power to shape this story, so you bullying us is frankly just devoid of any meaning other than raw intent for violence. At the very least admit that and drop the pretences, it's the only thing you've done after all, one would have to be blind not to see it.

If you're afraid a puny ship might be canon, and whatever you've twisted it to mean for you, take it up with the studio, alternatively with god since you're so into fictive characters over real life. Come to think of it didn't you guys have a friend that has a friend working at the studio? How come you're still so insecure? Why don't you tell the friend of the friend to influence the plot? Why hasn't this friend of a friend provided any other inside scoops to make themselves credible? Questions, questions.

Either way, hurting shippers will achieve nothing, we were gonna ship no matter the canon status of the ship, and I pity you people who think that shipping something has to be done because you want something canon, as opposed to just... for fun... but maybe that comes naturally with being pathetic, anyway, the possibility of it becoming canon now has nothing to do with us. Even less so as Westerners, if audience even has any sort of influence in all this, it would be the Japanese one way before it would be any Western one. Appreciate you giving us so much importance, but we don't need it, and we're just not really as important as you attribute, we'd just love it if you stopped hurting people over cartoons. You made something gruesome out of a fairy tale, that's on you, that's your problem, and we'd all be better off if you found a way to deal with that didn't rely on abusing others.

Honey, are you lost? I think there was maybe a different blog this rant was supposed to be sent to but I got it by mistake. Because I have no worldly idea what you are talking about in about half of this ask.

The first thing that confuses me: that I’m apparently “taking it out on shippers”, “ persecuting”, and “bullying” them? Please show me your receipts. I’ve literally never directly initiated contact with a sessrin blog. Hell, the one time I considered answering a post made by a pro blog, it was going to be in direct response to a question they posed in the anti tag, directed towards antis, and it turns out I couldn’t even answer the post because the user had most of the anti community blocked. (Silly, I know, but this is what we’ve been dealing with so what can I say.) Any time I want to respond to a sessrin argument that wasn’t directed to me anyways, I would usually screenshot it and blackout the names.

I can count on one hand the times I’ve even posted in the same thread as pro sessrin blogs, and in those cases, I either A) didn’t directly call out the other blog/blogs that were posting in the same thread as me, or @ them, or B) was only even interacting in said post because pro shippers were piling on and harassing people in the thread, and I was simply pointing out that there were shippers in said thread acting fools. The only time I ever even pointed out a particular blog I did it via screenshot and did it to keep a record of a blog that was admitting to flagging our posts as spam.

If you would like to see proof of my interactions, all you have to do is check the #receipts tags on my blog, you’ll find all of my interactions conveniently tagged. (Oh and don’t worry, I’ll get back to that receipts tag shorty.)

The second thing you said that confuses me, that I have a “friend that has a friend working at the studio”? What (and I can’t stress this enough) the FUCK, are you talking about?

I.....have never made this claim? Where have I ever said this, where have I ever reblogged this? I’ve never even read this? I need some clarification here, because either you are from an alternate timeline where I’m living a much cooler life, or like I said, you have the wrong blog.

Anyways, regardless of the fact that I’m pretty sure you sent this to the wrong person, I guess I can render a response to the base question you seem to be asking here: Why argue with shippers?

Really, at the end of the day, I’m not arguing with your average shipper. Hell, there are a few blogs I even follow and interact with that have said they like sessrin content, but they understand this is not an appropriate thing for a kid's show. And I can respect that because I’ve been in the problematic ship boat in other fandoms. (Here’s a hint, in one of the fandoms that I followed content for a problematic ship in, a content creator was given cookies with sewing needles baked into them, yikes right?!)

The main message of mine and many other blogs I follow is that this ship isn’t appropriate for children’s media, and what happens is a lot of salty people come out of the woodwork who feel the need to argue and say there is nothing wrong with it, which causes us to have to list the reasons why there is indeed something wrong with it (thus why it shouldn't be in said children’s media), then what happens is people like you come at us and act like all we’ve been doing is bullying shippers, and “why don’t you just let us ship in peace!?!?!?!!!??”

In fact, I shouldn’t even be surprised that I got this ask eventually, because as I’ve pointed out in the past, the shipper argument seems to be a cyclical one.

A blogger will make a statement something along the lines that they really don’t care if people ship sessrin, but the shippers really shouldn’t be making a lot of noise to the studio that they want to see this ship in the show because kids watch it, and it’s not a great message to send to kids.

A shipper will then message the blog (usually anonymously if possible) something along the lines of you’re wrong about the ship sending a bad message to kids because of xyz, or it’s a totally normal and healthy relationship, and you’re wrong, or Yashahime isn’t for kids, etc.

The Blogger will then respond with actual evidence, a well-worded response, or even just fucking common sense (like come on, some of the mental gymnastics I’ve seen people employ to try to validate this fucking ship to us is hilarious).

The blogger will then get another message something along the lines of “why don’t you just let us ship in peace!?!?!?!!!??”

The blogger responds with JESUS CHRIST I SAID FROM THE VERY START THAT I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU SHIP I JUST DON’T WANT TO SEE IT IN A GODDAMN KIDS CARTOON”

At which point the whole process is rinsed and repeated. Congratulations you’ve just witnessed a new grey hair grow out of my fucking scalp.

However, there is a new facet to this shit gem that I’ve noticed during this whole annoying cycle, and that is the fact that a lot of pro shippers are making claims that they are being harassed by anti blogs, but I’m not seeing a lot of proof of this. And make no mistake, if I see an established anti blog being terrible, or making a false claim, I have no problem calling them out, or correcting false information. Please, feel free to screenshot proof and post it in the anti tag, and see how many other blogs won't put up with this either.

And to be clear, I don’t really count anonymous asks as harassment, because people can be sending that shit to themselves. Just like I don’t mind asks I get like this one because I naively respond to them in the hopes that maybe someone will actually understand what the argument has been about this whole time. And if I didn’t like it, turning off anon magically gets rid of it, so *shrug*.

No, I’m talking about actual, out in the open harassment, or shitty behavior.

Like oh say, Patreon art being reposted in a discord server, then when a good samaritan reports the art theft they are harassed by their fellow discord members.

Or maybe the ongoing flagging and harassment campaigns that are going on over almost all online social media platforms.

Or how about the time some people tried to start a Twitter smear campaign against a voice actor who has some opinions about their ship they don’t like.

Yeah, remember how I said I’ve got a receipts tag. I see ya’ll.

#anti sessrin #anti rinsess #antisessrin #anon #yay I've finally reached the rinse and repeat stage of my blog #next ask from a shipper will be an excuse or validation of sessrin guaranteed

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tomspancakes · 5 years ago

Text

This Way: Part 6 (pls read author’s note)

*not my gif*

Pairing: Tom Holland x Actress! reader

Word Count: 6824

Warnings: A crazy bih. Bit of violence and a smidge of blood? Probably wrong stuff about investing/ business world and such (sorry I’m a kinesiology major lol don’t judge)

Summary: A lot ensues when Tom apologizes to y/n. Old feelings are brought up and a little adventure begins.

A/N: I was thinking of writing a story about Tom and y/n’s past after this, would you guys like that? Please lmk! Anywho don’t hesitate to ask to be in the taglist and lmk if you’re enjoying this. Enjoy part 6 <3

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

+++

“Tom, before you say more, I’m going to move out.” Tom’s heart broke.

“W-wait, what? You can’t leave, y/n. You don’t need to.” He walked toward the edge of your bed and sat down next to you.

“Tom, I caused so many problems already a-and you were right, it was selfish of me to blame you for making things worse with the whole Allana situation. You were just trying to help.”

“No I was wrong hear me out before deciding to leave. I-I can change your mind. Please let me at least try.” He took your hand in his and looked at you in a pleading way. You thought about it before giving in and nodding your head.

“This doesn’t mean I’ll stay. I’m just gonna listen.” He nodded with a little hope in his mind.

“First off, everything I said to you down there I didn’t mean that. O-or I did say what I’ve been feeling, but in a completely wrong way. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I was getting tipsy and saying stupid shit.” All he could look at was your hands in his.

“No, Tom, you were right. I let you take the fall for MY privacy. I’m being selfish for letting you stay in this toxic ass relationship just because of my fears and insecurities.” Tom rubbed his thumbs over your knuckles and looked up at you.

“Y/n, I could never blame you for being afraid. I-I’ve been afraid, numb, and distant from everyone ever since we broke up…” You gave him a sad look, were you the cause of all his pain?

“B-but don’t worry it’s not your fault. I-I couldn’t move on. When we broke up I let most of my joy go along with you. I let all of my anger and sadness build up until I was numb a-and couldn’t even see which people would be good for my life, hence why I started dating Allana. I was just trying to fill the gaping hole in my heart. As soon as you came here it was like…” He looked into your eyes with realization, “I-I could feel again. But what I felt was all the pain and anger that was pushed to the back of my mind, it was creeping back and I tried to push it aside, and leaving was the only way to do that. I was happy to see you don’t get me wrong, but when I saw that you were on instagram live with Gavin it just made all my bottled up emotions burst out.” Tears began to well up in Tom’s eyes when he saw a couple rush down your cheeks.

“You were the first person to talk to me so I released all that anger out on you. It was really a dick move for me to do, but they were all negative feelings from a dark place in my head. Please understand I didn’t mean everything I said.” You let go of his hands and jumped into his arms squeezing your eyes shut. His cologne filled your nostrils and you both relaxed in the hug.

“Tom, I’m so sorry you went through that and felt like you couldn’t tell anyone.” Tom started to shake a bit with sobs and you began to rub his back.

“I-I understand. I was a real mess the first 2 months after the break up.” You let go of him and sat next to him again. He immediately held your hand again to comfort both you and him, your touch calmed him down. “It was hard for me to get out of bed every morning. I had to stay at a hotel alone because I’d lash out at my family members if they tried to help. A-and I had to delete social media for a few weeks because I couldn't bear to see your face. I-I cried or got angry every time I saw you. Harry and Zendaya helped me though because they noticed I wasn’t looking very healthy anymore, they watched me have some really bad breakdowns. Then I thought I was ok and started dating Gavin…” Tom’s brows furrowed not really wanting to hear about your relationship with him,

“B-but I decided to break it off because it wasn’t fair to Gavin that I kept thinking about you.” You looked at Tom and his head snapped up at what you said, his heart skipped a beat. “Y-You were in my dreams and I frequently found myself checking on your instagram. Of course Harry and Z never knew because they’d scold me, but I couldn’t help myself.” You chuckled then sighed, “Thankfully Gavin understood though.” Tom’s eyes were wide, “Y-you never stopped caring for me?” You scoffed.

“Obviously not. I tried to reach out to you, remember?” Tom felt so dumb and face palmed.

“God I’m a damn idiot.” He groaned.

“Just a little bit.” You joked.

“I-I guess I was just afraid to see what would happen if I did decide to reply. I was scared to get hurt again.” You nodded understanding, “You know when I took you to that burger cafe that was the first time I’ve been in months.”

“Yeah Harry told me. What happened the last time you were there? I-if you don’t mind sharing of course...” You asked curiously, but cautious because you didn’t want to make him more upset.

“Well I thought I was over you. I had just started dating Allana and I wasn’t thinking about you as much anymore. When I finished ordering the burgers I thought it’d be a good idea to check your instagram… along with the photos you were tagged in. I saw that single photo the paps took of you and Gavin holding hands and I-I uh just broke. I know nothing was confirmed or anything, but I knew you’d date him because he was so good to you before and during the time we were dating. I wished so much that I was him in that moment, I regretted letting you go.” You looked at him sadly and he looked stressed. “I stayed in my car for a really long time just crying and I went through old videos and pictures of you and I.” He scoffed, “I even went through our old messages and stalked accounts that shipped us together. I-it was really hard for me to be there because it always reminded me of you and the pain I went through. I didn’t want to feel like that again, but when you came back I just felt like it’d be ok to go there. Even though we barely spoke then, I-I just felt so good for some reason.”

“I guess we never really got over one another then…” You said looking at him apologetically and he nodded in agreement.

You sighed and flopped back on your bed and put your hands over your lap with your legs dangling off the edge. Tom followed suit, but took your small hand again, this time intertwining your fingers together.

“Tom, I don’t think we should be hol-” Tom didn’t want to let go so he cut you off.

“You know when I said everything I do is for you, the night before I left?” He turned his head to look at you, you kept staring at the ceiling and nodded, “Well I meant it.”

You sighed, “Tom you don’t have to do anything for me.”

“I know I don’t. Yet I both unconsciously and consciously do. I’d do anything for you, y/n.” You turned to him and his face was so close you felt the air coming out of his nose, “Haz and Tuwaine told me I couldn’t run from my feelings, so now I’m going to confront them. I never stopped caring for you, I’d throw away all my happiness just to make sure you're ok. If you don’t want the world to know about our past then I’ll stay with Allana.” He said that with all seriousness. Your heart melted and you looked into his eyes. He looked down at your lips then back at your eyes and started to lean in. You sat up quickly,

“S-sorry, Tom, we shouldn’t do that now.” He sat up as well looking down at his hands sadly and nodded, “But I’m not gonna let you stay with that bitch. We have to figure something out.” He gave you a half smile and nodded,

“I actually went to my old mate, Connor, and found out some really terrible things, but it could really help our case. I was gonna tell you as soon as I got home, but you know I fucked everything up.”

“No you didn’t, Tom, you needed to get things off your chest and we needed to talk about our feelings. We can look at it as a blessing in disguise.” You smiled at him kindly and patted his hands, “Now tell me everything.” Tom smiled at you admiringly.

“Well first off when we first started dating she told me that her last boyfriend broke up with her because she was moving to a new city, but then Connor ended up telling me that it was actually because she cheated on her ex.” He looked at you thinking you’d know what’d happen next. “What? Keep going, I’m no sherlock.” You both laughed for the first time in a long time.

“Well, Connor told me that her ex, Cody, went to the bank one day and he took out some of the money he invested in Allana’s company because it wasn’t doing too well. When she noticed there was less money to spend she started spying on him. Coincidentally a new girl came into his work and he was showing her around and Allana assumed he was cheating. Mind you they were on the 6th floor of a building which is nuts...” You widened your eyes and checked your window to make sure the curtains were closed.

“I don’t know why I’m surprised to hear that, but keep talking.”

“That’s not even the crazy part, love. First off Cody was some super successful real estate agent and invested maybe $2 million pounds. Second Allana thought she needed a new guy in case Cody was actually cheating, and the guy she cheated on him with was Ollie Williams.”

“Wait… That farm guy from season 6 of Love Island?”

“Yeah and guess what?” Tom asked enthusiastically, waiting for you to reply.

“Oh my god he’s rich too.” You said realizing the connection. Tom nodded.

“When Cody found out Allana was cheating he immediately broke up with her. After a few days his banker called saying he was making some weird purchases, like buying a bunch of designer clothes and whatnot. After that he found out that Allana had been sneaking into his flat at night and taking his credit cards and then putting them back when she was done with it.”

“She’s fucking crazy, how do we know she’s not in here right now?” You asked, scooting closer to Tom, he laughed and he slid his arm around your waist. He looked at his phone,

“It’s a Friday so she should be drinking with her friends about now.” You nodded and relaxed a bit, “Anyway Cody tried to have her arrested, but Allana threatened to tell Ollie’s girlfriend that he cheated on her. So to keep Allana’s mouth shut, Ollie’s family did the task of investing in Allana’s business and she has an uncle in the Police department. All Cody has now is a restraining order on Allana.”

“Wait there’s no way all this happened, this is literally insane. Connor must’ve lied a little bit.” You said in disbelief.

“I thought the same thing, this is something you’d only see in the movies, but Connor wouldn’t. He told me he could literally get sued if anyone in Ollie’s family finds out this news got out since it was a private investment. Obviously Ollie’s girlfriend ended up finding out about Allana though because he confessed on Love Island that he cheated on her.” Then it hit you.

“Holy shit. Have you checked your bank account?” You asked, this was insane.

“Yeah I did, no weird activity.” He said nonchalantly.

“Ok then how’d you meet Allana?”

“At a mutual friend’s party. She came up to me saying she didn’t really know anyone else and-” Tom’s eyes widened, “Oh my god. The Williams' probably stopped investing and she set something up so she could start dating me huh?” You nodded, but still curious about something.

“I just don’t understand why she hasn’t taken a lot of money away from you yet though.”

“I’m not quite sure either, I mean I’ve given her like 2 expensive things, but she’s never asked me to invest or anything.” He thought in silence for a second and you yawned. Everything that happened tonight was making you sleepy.

“Oh shit. There’s a safe in the house with emergency money.” Tom said, he jumped up and you followed closely behind him. “God I’m such an idiot! I wrote the code down on a paper and thought I misplaced it. Allana probably stole it.” He was stressing out. When you entered his room he pushed aside clothes that were in front of the safe and punched in a 7 digit number and opened the door.

“Fuck fuck fuck!”

“What, Tom, is something gone?” Tom got up and gave you a view of the safe.

“It’s about ¾ empty.” He stated and began cursing furiously and pulling his hair.

“H-how much did you have in there originally?” You asked, worried for Tom.

“A little over 3 million pounds.” He groaned and slid down the wall next to his closet.

“Oh my god, Tom.” You didn’t know what else to say or do.

“I know it’s not much of a dent in my bank account, but it’s still a lot of money that belongs to me. We need to do something.” You nodded, “But if we do she’s going to tell everyone about you and I. It’s also gonna cause so much unnecessary controversies in the media. Remember what happened to you the last time the world found out about your pa-”

“Yes of course I remember.” You said not wanting to talk about it, “What are we gonna do then?” You asked, defeated. Tom took your hand and pulled you down to sit next to him.

“I think we should go over to her flat tomorrow and call the police.”

“Why don’t we just call them now?” You asked him like he was crazy.

“Because today was already shit enough. And I can tell you’re really tired, love, I know I am.” You nodded and he rested his head on your shoulder, “Plus tonight may be the last night we spend together... unless you don’t move.”

“Oh... right, I uh totally forgot about that.” The decision floating back in your head of whether or not you should stay.

“Yeah so, I think I’d rather end the night on a lighter note. Perhaps with a movie or a little cuddle with my…” He looked up at you with his tired eyes, “friend.” You chuckled, but both of you hurt by the word somehow.

“How the hell are you calm right now? A shit ton of money just got stolen from you, we should be talking to the police right now.” You said shaking your head.

“So much shit happened today, yet you just being here with me somehow makes me feel like everything will be ok.” Tom breathed out, taking your hand in his. Your heart sped up when you both locked eyes, “Can we please do something else now?”

“You’re unbelievable. You know that?” You rolled your eyes, hinting that you're giving in.

“Yay!” Tom exclaimed and he picked you up and put you on his lap holding you so tight.

“Tom, come on let go.” You hit his arms, but he just squeezed you tighter. You giggled and rested your chin on top of his curly hair.

“I’m not gonna lie. I did miss your crackhead energy.” You joked and he moved his head up close to yours quickly.

“You’re gonna pay for that.” Then he got up and began tickling your sides.

“T-Tom p-please stop!” He laughed at your struggle. “Please, I-I can’t b-breathe.” He stopped tickling you and kissed your cheek. He stared at you wide eyed realizing what he just did. Tom felt like you were a couple again just in those 45 seconds, it was crazy that your cute little laugh could make him forget all the crazy shit going on. You cleared your throat and stood up.

“So a movie then?” You patted yourself down and he nodded, “Ok I’ll go put some pjs on then.” You turned to walk out and he face palmed as soon as you passed through his door.

You and Tom sat with your backs on the headboard watching Inception. You began to get sleepy half way through the movie and laid your head on Tom’s lap. He looked down, the light from the film reflected off your beautiful face and Tom felt like he was falling for you all over again. He began to gently brush your hair with his fingers making you sleepy. You enjoyed this and missed his soft touch making you relax, and that’s when you decided, “Tom?” You asked sleepily.

“Yes, darling?” Although he called Allana darling once, the nickname made you feel how you did when you two were previously dating. It made your heart feel light.

“I’m not going anywhere.” With that you drifted into sleep. Tom smiled widely and kept brushing your hair until he heard your cute soft snores indicating that you were officially out cold. He carefully picked you up and moved you so that your head was now rested on his chest. He shut the TV off and looked at your face lovingly until he too drifted off into the best sleep he’s had since before you two had broken up.

“Tom! Have you seen Y/n? She wasn’t-” Harry barged into Tom’s room, “Oh what the fuck, are you serious?” You stirred and opened your eyes to see Tom’s sleeping face.

“Mmm shut up.” Tom said and you tried to get up, but he grumbled and pulled you closer.

“No get the hell up.” Harry said, sounding unhappy and you finally got out of Tom’s embrace. He rubbed his eyes and sat up fast realizing what was going on.

You laughed awkwardly, “Harry… how’s it going?” He looked at you then at Tom then smiled,

“So? What the hell happened, I’m surprised you guys made up so fast, are you dating again?” Harry said super excited and he jumped onto the edge of the bed. You and Tom gave one another a strange look.

“Well I wasn’t expecting that...” Tom said awkwardly.

“N-no we’re not dating again. We made up as friends. Tom is still with Allana at the moment.” When you said that you were both reminded of all the bad things that you both have to deal with now.

“Harry, we found out some really bad shit about Allana.” Tom said.

“Oh you finally realized she’s a psychopa-” Tom rolled his eyes and cut him off.

“She stole almost 2.25 million pounds from our emergency vault.”

“What the fuck?” Harry yelled and he got back up, “Mum and dad are going to kill you for losing this much money. How the fuck did she even get the code? Tom, you’re literally so irresponsible. We need to call the fucking police.” Tom let his little brother ramble and scold him before saying,

“Yeah we’re gonna head over to Allana’s soon and if she doesn’t give us the money we will. Trying to not have too many controversies right now you know?” Harry looked at his brother like he was insane, but sighed and nodded.

“That’s literally the dumbest shit I’ve heard, but it’s your money. How the hell are you being so calm about this?”

Tom slid his hand on top of yours, but under the duvet so that Harry wouldn’t see, “I don’t know, just have a feeling that things are gonna be ok.” He squeezed your hand lightly and your pulse quickened.

“Hm maybe Allana’s insanity is just rubbing off on the both of you.” Harry said suspiciously, “Wait, y/n, does this mean you're staying?” He looked at you with hopeful eyes and you nodded. Tom quickly removed his hand from yours when Harry cheered and pulled you up from the bed to shield you from Tom, “As much as I’m glad that you guys are good now, Y/n, is my best friend and MY best friend only ok? So back off, Tom.”

“You're such a goof, Harry. You will always be my best friend.” You hugged Harry and he stuck his tongue out at Tom. This started a playful fight because Tom slapped Harry in the face, so Harry jumped out of your embrace and onto Tom and they wrestled before you said,

“Oh my god. You are both so immature. Knock it off so we can bring that bitch down and get your money back.” They laughed and got up to get ready.

“Ready to go? Harry’s warming up the car.” Tom said with a piece of toast in his mouth as he tied his shoes. You nodded and had ice cubes over your eyebags.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Reducing the puffiness of my eyes from last night’s antics.”

“Mm fix mine.” Tom said while chewing the last bit of his toast. You giggled and walked over to him and placed the cubes on his puffy eyes. He was looking down at you and you stared into his beautiful brown irises.

“You look gorgeous even with puffy eyes, y/n.” You blushed a bit, “Well I mean you always look gor-” You and Tom were snapped out of the moment when Harry honked the car horn. You put the ice cubes in the trash and Tom asked, “Do I look less shitty now?”

“You never look shitty. Handsome as always.” You pinched his cheek and walked off. You were making Tom’s heart beat like crazy. He couldn’t even keep his mind straight on the mission you three were about to embark.

“Harrison and Tuwaine were playing games and drinking when I put the dishes away last night. So they’re probably gonna be out til this afternoon. Why can’t you just tell me everything now?” Harry groaned.

“Because it was a really long story which wouldn’t be fun to repeat.” You said.

“Plus, we’re almost at Allana’s.” Tom added and Harry huffed because he was impatient. “Ah park there, not in the driveway just in case she chases or something and need to drive off fast.�� Tom said seriously and pointed at an empty spot on the street near Allana’s flat.

“Do you think she’s awake?” You asked.

“Who cares? I hope that bitch is asleep so we can ruin it.” You laughed at Harry’s sass.

“Even better that she’s most likely gonna be hung over.” Tom added, “Ok, Harry, keep your phone out just in case Allana does something crazy.” Harry nodded and you all walked to her front door with Tom leading. Tom knocked on the door aggressively.

“Open up Allana we need to talk.” Tom yelled.

“Ugh you can stop I’ll get it.” You heard a muffled raspy voice. The door swung open to a hungover Allana, “Tommy, I wasn’t expecting you til-” She realized who was behind him, “What the fuck are they doing here.” She snarled then laughed at all your glares. “Oh so you found out mine and Tom’s little deal didn’t you?”

“We found out about a lot of other things too.” You said sternly.

She raised her eyebrow, “And what may that be?”

“We know about your situation with Ollie and Cody.” Tom said and her eyes widened.

“Wait, that guy Ollie from Love Island?” Harry looked at Tom who rolled his eyes because he interrupted and nodded at his brother.

Harry’s mouth formed an ‘o’ before adding, “Well we also know that you stole about 2.25 million pounds as well. If you don’t give us the money back we’re gonna bring the police into this.” Harry showed his phone to her with the numbers 999 ready.

“And also make sure your business is shut down for good.” Tom said.

“I’m afraid half of the money has already been spent.” She said smugly and smirked.

“What the fuck. Harry, call the police.” You said, he nodded and was about to press the call button, but Allana stopped him.

“Oh no no wait a second. I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” She pulled her phone out her robe pocket. “I knew something like this was going to happen so I went ahead and made a draft of the story I was going to tell TMZ. If you call the cops I’ll send the story in with the click of a button.” Tom looked at you knowing that you really didn’t want that. You were trying to think of any solution, but Tom sighed and held your hand before speaking up,

“Alright then. You want money right? How much do you want so you can get out of my life.” You widened your eyes.

“Tom no you can’t do that. I-It’ll be ok. I need to learn to get through it, I signed up for this life when becoming an actress.” You smiled at him and squeezed his hand. Harry’s eyes never left Allana’s phone as she waved it in front of you two.

“Uh hello? I’d happily make a deal with you, Tommy. Your choice, do you really wanna break your promise…” You drowned her voice out as Harry slid his phone in your other hand and he jumped between you and Tom successfully taking Allana’s phone.

“Hurry, y/n. Call the cops!” Harry yelled from behind Allana and you pressed the call button letting go of Tom’s hand. Allana got angry and grabbed a vase that was on a table by the door. She chucked it right at Harry’s head and he knocked out.

“Harry! Oh my god.” You stepped inside to help Harry, but Tom stopped you. “No, I'll help him. talk to the police.” You nodded and he rushed to help his brother. You looked around and couldn’t see Allana until you felt cold metal pressed against your neck and you knew where she was. Tom stood up looking both scared and angry,

“No. Try to come near me and I’ll fucking slit her throat.” She yelled and you whimpered as tears began to roll down your cheeks, “Now, Tom, slide my phone to me. And y/n I want you to hang up.”

As you were pulling the phone away from your ear you heard, “Hello? What-” and you ended the call. ‘Well that was shit timing.’ You thought.

Tom kicked her phone over while tears began to roll down his cheeks, “Allana, p-please let her go now. We did what you wanted.” He said with his arms out trying to calm her down.

“No. Now I want money in exchange for her life.” She pressed the knife closer and you shut your eyes in fear.

“Ok ok. How much do you want? I can’t give you too much right away because that’d be suspicious.” Tom looked into your eyes and you knew he was stalling, the police still had to come just to make sure everything was ok.

“Well you’ll have to figure out a way to get a lot to me very soon. I want 7 million pounds by next week.”

“What’d you need that for, fleeing the country or some-”

“Stop messing the fuck around. Now agree or she dies.” Tom looked behind you and relaxed a bit.

“Freeze! Drop the weapon.” You felt a bit relieved that the police came after all. Allana turned the both of you around and you squealed because you felt the knife cut into your skin a little bit. Tom tried to run up to you but Allana’s grip tightened on you, “Back the fuck off!” She snarled at Tom.

“Sir please stay where you’re at we’ll handle this.” You looked into Tom’s eyes and all you saw was fear.

“Miss please drop the knife now or else I will shoot you.” The officer clocked the gun. Allana contemplated for a bit before sighing and removing the knife from your neck and dropped it. She was put in handcuffs, “I swear you both will pay for this shit.” Allana snarled as she was pulled away.

You ran over to Tom and you sobbed. He held your quivering body and rubbed your back.

“I’m so sorry, love. I shouldn’t have brought you, I put you in danger. I-I was so scared.” He kissed the top of your head and you felt his tears drop on your head. He hugged you tighter like it was the last time he’d see you.

“We need medics.” An officer said into her comms then she crouched down and shook Harry after feeling his pulse, “Sir? Can you hear me? Please wake up.” You let go of Tom and rushed over to Harry.

“Harry come on get up you’re ok.” He stirred and blinked his eyes a few times.

“What the fuck? Wh-what did I miss? Y/n why is your neck bleeding?” You widened your eyes and felt your neck, it stung a tiny bit and felt wet.

Tom was freaking out, “Shit, Y/n, are you feeling ok? I swear I’m gonna make that bitch pay.” You nodded.

“Ya. I-I think she just gave me a little scratch.” He looked at you worriedly.

“Yeah thanks, Tom, I’m good too.” Harry joked and Tom looked at his brother apologetically while helping him sit up. A medic went up to Harry and another one followed closely behind and went to you.

“May I check the cut?” They asked and you nodded. Tom sat you down on the couch. You lifted your chin. “You’re ok, thankfully she didn’t cut deep, but you’ll need a thicker bandage. This is gonna sting a bit.” You nodded and hissed as the rubbing alcohol burned your cut. Tom squeezed your hand and kissed the top of your head. “You’re ok, darling.” When he called you darling you took your mind off the pain. You opened your eyes to see Tom’s brown ones already looking at you and you smiled at him. His face was full of concern so you put a hand on his cheek and he relaxed in your touch. You felt a cloth go over your cut.

“Alright you’re all done. Just change the bandage every so often.” The medic gave you a bag of more bandages.

“Thank you.” You smiled weakly and they nodded. You and Tom walked over to Harry and the other medic shined a light to his eyes.

“Yep you have a concussion forsure. You need to take it easy for the next few days, no bright lights, and no crazy exercising. Make sure he follows what I said and make things easier for him.” The medic looked at you both and nodded. The medic gave Harry an icepack and you all thanked him.

“You guys are gonna be my servants haha.” Harry joked and you laughed lightly as he tried to make the situation better.

“We need to talk to the officers.” Tom said putting his hand on the small of your back. You nodded giving Harry a quick hug letting him rest in his spot before heading over to the police.

“Well today was really eventful.” Harry said sleepily from the backseat.

“It’s been an eventful 2 weeks for me, she made that dumb deal the night of the dinner.” Tom said, keeping his eyes on the road.

“I mean I’m just glad we got her off your ass.” You said.

“Yeah me too, but I feel like it’s not the last we’ll see of her. Her uncle is a cop, remember?” Tom reminded you. You’re body tensed a bit and nodded. Tom noticed and reached over the console to rub your hand indicating that he won’t let anything bad happen.

“Oh you’re shitting me. That’s not right.” Harry groaned. “Well maybe they’ll be more strict on her because she literally tried to kill y/n.” Your eyes widened realizing that you really almost just died.

“Harry! Don’t say it like that.” Tom said realizing you got even more scared.

“N-no. It’s alright she knocked you out, loser.” You weakly joked and Harry laughed. Tom just looked over at you concerned.

“Yeah the money will be returned when they finish interrogating Allana.” Tom said. Everyone living in the house was seated in the living room, Zendaya and your parents were on facetime on your laptop, and Tom’s parents were on facetime on his laptop. You and Tom had just explained everything that went down with the whole Allana deal.

Nikki sighed, “Well I’m just glad that all three of you are safe now. Tom, you need to be more careful with your money.” Tom got a little embarrassed and you rubbed his back. “I trust that this will be a lesson learned.”

He nodded and sighed, “Definitely learned something.” Nikki and Dom nodded worriedly.

“Alright well, if that’s all we’ll let you go. If you lot need anything, we're only a call and just a few blocks away.” Dom said. You and the boys nodded.

“Oh, Y/m/n, make sure you send me that recipe of the beef roast. It looked delicious on your facebook!” Nikki added and your mom nodded before everyone exchanged goodbyes with Tom’s parents.

“I’m so sorry for putting your daughter in danger. I-I shouldn’t have brought her, I assure you that she is very safe with my mates and I. If you want I can update-” Tom was beginning to ramble nervously, but your mom cut him off.

“Tom, sweetie there’s no need to do that. We trust all you boys and we trust y/n can take care of herself.”

“Yeah we’ll make sure she’s eating her veggies and fruits as well.” Harrison said and Tom slapped his arm. Everyone laughed at the way he teased Tom.

“Alright, I’ll talk to you guys later!” You said.

“Wait, y/n, can we talk to you in private?” Your dad asked and you nodded as Tom gulped. You got up from your spot to go to the kitchen. As soon as you sat your dad spoke.

“Are you sure you’re ok there? ‘Cause I’m not sure I want you to stay. And I don’t know if I even trust Tom being there. Maybe-”

“No, dad, I swear to you everything is ok. Plus, you know Tom is a good guy, he wouldn’t do anything bad.” You stated.

“Yeah if he does anything stupid I’ll make sure he pays for it.” Zendaya said seriously.

“Ah thank you, Z. You’re always such a good friend.” Your dad said and you and your mom agreed as Zendaya nodded and flipped her hair jokingly.

“But seriously y/n’s right. Tom is a really good guy. You can trust him.” Your parents looked at one another nodding trusting her words. ‘Why the hell don’t they trust what I say?’ You thought.

“Alright we’re going to go eat now. Text or call if you need anything. It was wonderful seeing you, Z, I’ll drop off some baked goods in a few days.” Your mom said and Zendaya cheered while you pouted. You all said your goodbyes, but Zendaya stayed on.

“Y/n, I know damn well that something happened between you and Tom. It’s literally so obvious he kept looking at you and I saw you rub his back like you guys didn’t have a past.” You laughed at how well she could read you and every situation ever.

“Well a lot happened in literally one week. I just don’t think I’m ready for anything though, like you said it’s time for myself now.” You sighed then cleared your throat, “but nonetheless I’ll update you as soon as you’re not busy, as long as you update me about Jacob as well.” She laughed and nodded.

“Will do, but take as much time and space as you need. I know he’d wait.” You nodded trusting every word she said, “alright I’m gonna go eat now. Love you bihhh!”

“Love you too, stay safe!” You hung up and walked to the living room.

“Everything ok?” Tom asked a little nervous because your dad wanted to talk in private.

“He was probably saying he wants to drop kick your ass as soon as he sees you, Tom.” Tuwaine said and you the boys snickered as that only made Tom more nervous.

“No he didn’t. He just wanted to make sure I’m alright.” You said and Tom relaxed.

“You guys want to have a comedy movie marathon to cheer you up?” Harrison asked.

“I think that is very much needed. Go ahead and start it. I’m gonna change my bandage first and get Harry some shades, he can’t look at bright lights.” You explained and the boys snickered at that. Harry flipped them all off.

“I’ll help you, y/n. Plus I have some nice shades Harry can wear.” Tom said kindly and you nodded smiling back. Haz and Tuwaine made kissy faces behind Tom and you rolled your eyes before walking upstairs.

When you got to your room Tom pulled out the desk chair for you and he grabbed the first aid kit. “I can do it myself, Tom.”

“Nonsense, let me take care of you, darling. It was my fault after all.” Your heart melted, he was being so kind.

“It wasn’t your fault at all, we wouldn’t have been in this mess if I wasn’t scared for the world to know about us. The situation would’ve been handled a lot less hectic.” You sighed feeling bad. Tom peeled the dirty bandage off and held your hand as he wiped your cut with the alcohol. You squeezed your eyes shut and Tom pulled your hand to his lips kissing your knuckles gently then rubbing them with his thumb. He placed the bandage on your cut and let your hand go.

“I wouldn’t mind hiding a relationship with you again though…” He said as you lowered your head back down. you opened your eyes and he looked into yours seriously. You looked at him apologetically and he dropped his head back while brushing his hands through his hair. “God I’m such an idiot. Sorry pretend I didn’t say that.” His ears and cheeks were turning red.

“Tom-”

“No no it’s ok I get it. You want to be friends. Wh-which is ok of course because I’d rather be friends than nothing. I’m not saying I like you right now or any-” You giggled a bit, but got a little hurt when he said the last part.

“Tom! Let me speak.”

“Oh s-sorry, love.” He said looking at you and you smiled at his cuteness.

“I’m not going to lie. I-I think I started to have feelings for you too. Like I said I don’t think I ever truly got over you…”

“Oh. Well in that case I definitely haven’t gotten over you. I didn’t mean what I said just now I think I do li-” He stopped realizing he interrupted you again, “oops sorry.”

You giggled again, “Anyway, I know we both want something more right now, b-but we should just stay friends for now.” His heart dropped and he looked at you with confusion and sadness, “I just got out of a relationship a few weeks ago and I told Zendaya this would be the time for me to grow. Plus you just got out of a really crazy relationship. And after hearing about both of our stories after our break up, I-I really think we should learn to be ok with ourselves first.” He sighed and nodded. “Don’t get me wrong though. I have feelings for you, Tom. I’m just not ready to-” “Yeah ok I understand. I’m gonna go get my orange shades for Harry now.” He turned and began to walk away.

“Tom wait I wasn’t done ta-” He turned back to face you at your doorway.

“Just know that I’ll wait for you, darling. Take all the time you need. I’m a little upset, but just take your time.” You looked at him as tears welled up in your eyes and your heart skipped a beat. “Really. I’ll wait for you.” He was upset, but he couldn’t let his anger cloud over his feelings for you.

+++

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shadow--writer · 4 years ago

Text

Is This Love or am I Dreaming?

😌 woke up today and chose violence (aka I stayed up writing this and cried)

@dela-png and I were talking about Maeve and Lucas and what they’d fight about and well this wouldn’t leave my smol brain, so enjoy 💕💕💕💕

Maeve x Lucas, angst, 2.5k words. --Lucas reversed ending-ish--

TW/tags (”real” triggers will be marked!): brief description of an injury, overworking, neglect, fighting, a whole lotta angst, and god I hope I got his character right

(title is from this song, it’s really good, give it a listen!)

~~~~

The candles were burning low. With them her energy. He wasn’t back yet. Of course he wasn’t. She knew him. Sometimes he’d come back late.

Other times he’d fall asleep at his desk leaving her alone in an empty bed.

She rubbed her arms, the summer so hot the heat was almost sticking to her skin. Her bangs were plastered across her forehead with her sweat. It had been a long day in the infirmary. She was tired. She was lonely.

She missed him. He wasn’t gone, but...in a way he was. She missed him so much it hurt.

She closed her eyes, rubbing her temples. She knew if she focused too much on it she’d get a headache. This amount of stress wasn’t good for you but…

She looked away from the papers spread out on the small desk a few feet away from her...their bed. It used to be everytime she thought of it being their room and their bed and their space she got butterflies. But he was gone so often it had become hers, hadn’t it?

She pushed herself away from the desk, going to get ready for bed. It was a little late for a bath, she’d probably take one in the morning. Sleeping was going to be a miserable experience but...

It wasn’t like he was around to care.

Anger snapped up at her stomach like a vise. She knew he had a lot to do. She knew he had a lot of responsibilities. She knew how important this was to him.

But...wasn’t she important too? Didn’t he care about her?

He said he did but...she didn’t know anymore and it hurt.

The door to their room creaked open, Maeve freezing in her tracks.

It was late. Normally he’d be asleep at his desk. Normally she’d be asleep. Alone.

They met eyes.

“Lucas,” she said, the musical tone of her voice gone. In its place was something flat and unfeeling.

It hurt.

It hurt so much.

“...Maeve,” he murmured, trying to hide the new injury on his arm.

Her anger returned, roaring with a vengeance.

“Sit down,” she said, her tone offering no place for arguing. He was covered in ash, probably went to check out the fire that happened earlier that week. No one was hurt, but a bunch of houses were lost.

He looked how she felt.

He followed her orders, falling into a chair with a ‘thump’. His hair hung over his eyes, slowly losing its curl due to sweat and ash. He was going to need a bath too.

She gathered her bandages, herbs and medicines. This was not the time for anything fancy.

But she couldn’t stop the rage she felt when she looked at him.

She tugged her desk chair over to him, sitting down and focusing on the wound.

His skin was warm and tacky with sweat. Blood oozed down the large cut. She swiped a damp rag over it. A muscle twitched in his cheek but he didn’t say anything.

“Welcome home,” she said, not hiding the bitterness in her tone. He deserved to hear it. He deserved her anger. “I missed you.”

He only grunted in response, fueling the ebbing, festering anger.

“You’ve got to stop this.” Every time. Every time he’d come back to her it was for an injury. She knew he didn’t trust easily. She knew she was his go to for help.

But it stung when your boyfriend would only come to see you when he was hurt.

Another grunt in response.

He wasn’t listening to her. Again.

As usual.

She tightened the bandage with a little more force than necessary, trying to keep from lashing out.

It fucking hurt. It hurt so much it was hard to breathe.

“You need to stop overworking yourself,” she said, trying to force her voice to be soft, fingers brushing his before falling into her lap. Her feet were bare and curled around one another. She felt alone and vulnerable.

“There’s so much I have to do,” he replied.

“And? Why can’t they give you a break? Haven’t you done enough on your own? Why not let someone else take the burden?” she snapped, his eyes meeting hers again.

She pissed him off but she didn’t care. Let him be angry. Let him feel an inkling of what she did. He deserved it for what he was doing.

Not only to himself, but her too.

“I can’t. You know this,” he spat.

Her hands trembled in clenched fists. “I don’t. I don’t know that. Because in my eyes, you have a whole fucking team of people and yet you do everything yourself.”

“Because I can’t trust anyone else to do it.”

“Then why do you even have them?!”

He gritted his teeth. “Because I need them.”

She breathed in sharply. “And yet, you don’t use them.”

“These are not their jobs!”

“THEN WHAT ARE THEIR JOBS?” She couldn’t stop her voice from rising to a yell. She couldn’t stop herself from jumping to her feet. The chair fell back with a crash but she didn’t care. “If they are so useful then what do they do?!”

She was losing control. Her hands warmed. Her eyes flashed. Her nose burned with unshed tears.

But she did not care.

“They help me, Maeve! They are there to support the people!”

“While you do all the heavy lifting because you can’t let anyone in?!”

“It’s dangerous and you know it.”

“Lucas, they are your CONSUL. If you can’t trust them to do even the simplest of tasks, then why do you have them?! What is their use?”

“Maeve we are not going to have this conversation again!”

“Maybe if you just listen to me we wouldn’t be discussing this for the hundredth time!”

He growled, deep and low in his throat. She snapped her teeth back, balling her hands into fists. His imitation tactics would not work on her.

“Lucas I am here to help you, they are here to help you. So let us!”

“This is my job Maeve! I can’t ask you to take the burden!” He was yelling now. They both were. They probably woke half the palace up by now.

She. Did. Not. Care.

“Then why am I here?!” she snapped. He looked like she had slapped him. Her eyes burned with tears.

“Because I let you be.” His voice was low. It was angry. It was a command.

And it hurt.

She stepped back, pushing the chair back with her steps. He didn’t look at her, just held a hand on his new bandage. “Thanks...for fixing me up.”

She didn’t reply, just let the tears roll down her face as she looked at the ground.

“I’m going to get back to work.”

He started walking to the door. He almost made it by the time she spoke up again. She was done playing his game. She was done fighting with him.

She was done sleeping alone.

“I’ll leave.”

He froze, one hand on the doorknob. “What?”

She forced her head up, showing her tears with a streak of pride. If she couldn’t convince him with words, then she would with actions.

“You heard me. I’ll leave.”

He turned to look at her, fury barely being contained in his eyes. Those two words caused a dam to break inside him.

Good.

“Why? Because you don’t love me anymore? So you’re gonna leave like everyone else? Now that I don’t give you what you want you’re just gonna walk out on me?”

His words cut deep. She actually gasped from the pain.

“You...you think I’m here for something other than the fact that I love you?” she gasped out. “You think I’m here for something?!” She couldn’t stop her fury.

It hit her in waves.

First it was cool, then her body trembled and warmed.

Then she was on fire.

“You think I’m here for some object? For some thing?”

“Maeve. I...no I’m…” he seemed to be at a loss for words, floundering. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Lucas I am here because I love you! But I do not want to be your doctor.” She swiped at her tears. “Do you know...how much it hurts to only see your love when they’re hurt? Having the only conversations with them be arguments? Do you know how much it hurts to watch them kill themselves because they can’t let you in?!”

“Maeve-”

“I am going to say this once.” She stood with her legs spread wide. She stood to feel powerful. She stepped closer to him, her strides filled with purpose.

“If you do not get your shit together, then I will leave. If you do not listen to people, if you do not let them in. If you don’t take a break and trust people I will walk out that door!” Her voice snapped over the last word in her sentence.

Cracking and shattering.

She was a mess. She was dizzy. She was angry. The heat of the summer made her clothes cling to her. One of the legs on her pants was rolled up to her knee, her shirt was falling off her shoulder. Her hair fell in ringlets around her shoulders. There was blood on her shirt.

Sweat dripped down the back of her neck, she only felt the all encompassing heat of her deep buried magic.

She did not care.

“I am here because I love you. I am here because I trust and care about you. But if you can’t trust and care about me back, then I will save myself the heartache and go.”

She was fighting back a sob.

She turned her back to him, not wanting him to see her tears get heavier. They fell like rain. She didn’t stop them, nor did she want to.

She bent down and picked up the chair, moving it next to the one he sat in.

The world spun. Her chest ached.

She missed him so much. She loved him so much. She cared, loved, felt about him so strongly it cut deep.

Like a festering wound left untreated, she stood there. Her skin burned, she bit her cheek to keep from breaking down right there. She wouldn’t. Not while he was still there.

He stood in silence behind her, she could feel him. Shifting back and forth. Waiting. Watching.

She moved to go to...their...bathroom. If he wasn’t going to leave, then she would move away so she wouldn’t have to see him.

He grabbed her hand, fingers closing around hers gently. So gently. A movement and she’d be out of his grasp.

She stopped, bringing her foot back to stand still.

He squeezed her hand once.

She waited a moment before squeezing back.

They stood in silence, hands clasped, for a few heartbeats.

The blood roaring in her ears slowed. His breathing soon became all that she heard.

He let go of her hand, fingers ghosting up the length of her arm. She felt goosebumps erupt on her skin.

His touch was so light and so gentle she wanted to break down. She wanted to break down with how much she missed it.

His hand brushed her shoulder, not bothering to adjust the shirt falling down. She almost gasped with how cold his fingertips were. He held his hand against the side of her neck, and against her better judgment she leaned into his touch.

“...I’m sorry,” he whispered, voice thick with emotion.

“I know,” she responded, choking on the words.

His hand dropped from her neck as he looped his arms around her waist, tugging her into his chest.

She didn’t look up at him, just leaned into his embrace and cried.

She could feel his tears as they fell onto her hair, and they stood in silence together.

He was a mess and probably smeared ash all over her with his touch. Ash and ink from working on something.

Hell she didn’t even know.

She let out a small sob, leaning back into him. She missed him. His touch. Her skin burned. “Hold me,” she whispered. “Please, Lucas please hold me.” She was begging.

She ached for him.

She wanted him.

Please.

It was a desperate plea but all she wanted was him.

He leaned closer, kissing the top of her head as they cried. “Please. Lucas. Please,” she whispered, repeating it over

And over

And over again.

Falling for a man like this was never easy. She hated how neglectful he was.

But in quiet moments like this, none of it seemed to matter.

It wasn’t until her legs gave out and became wobbly that he moved again.

He scooped her up, cradling her close. She couldn’t stop her tears once they started, pouring out all her loneliness and hurt out.

He only softly hushed her, rocking her back and forth and he settled her into the sheets.

He shifted as if he was going to leave and she grabbed his hand, hiccuping. She was going to hate herself in the morning but she didn’t care.

“Don’t go. Don't go please. Please, please don’t go,” she cried, the tears falling faster. “Lucas stay with me.”

His name on her lips stopped him again. He sat back down, back to her, her hand still on his arm.

His next word was slow. Slow, thick, emotional, wanting. “Okay.”

And he stayed.

He took off his boots, turning over to bundle her up in his arms. His eyes were red and blotchy. His hands trembled around her, her shirt rising up. She didn’t care, fisting the fabric of his shirt in her quivering hands.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered to her hair. “I’m so sorry.” He repeated it, each time his voice cracking.

“I know. I know,” she whispered back, trying to get closer. Closer. It wasn’t enough. It would never be close enough. “I miss you,” she whispered, lips brushing his collar bone. “Missed you here with me. I miss you so much Lucas. It hurts. Why does it hurt so much?”

He didn’t respond, just held her closer, whispering soft intelligible things to her hair.

She sniffled, kissing his neck. He tasted like salt. He had smudges of ash up his jaw. He probably got smudges on her and her clothes.

“You need a bath,” she murmured.

“I know,” he rumbled. “You need one too.”

She smiled, tears spilling from her eyes again. She missed their talks. Jokes. Flirtations. He had gotten quiet with his new position.

She missed his voice.

“Is that an invitation?”

He chuckled, toying with the ends of her hair. “And if it is?”

She kissed his neck again, her breath warm against his skin. His office probably had a drafty window. “If it’s an invitation.” Another kiss, this one made him squirm a little. “My answer is yes.”

He didn’t respond, but she could feel him smile.

He pressed a kiss into her hair, and they settled into silence.

She knew this was going to be hard.

She knew he wasn’t going to be easy to get along with.

She knew he wasn’t going to listen to her all the time.

She knew she was just as hard-headed and stubborn as he was.

But in that moment all she could feel was how much she loved him. In that soft, emotionally charged moment, it was all she wanted.

And sometimes, that was enough.

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chubsonthemoon · 4 years ago

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tagged by @storybookprincess!! (thank you!!) here are some of my fave fics I’ve written! tbh this was kinda difficult; I am very aware that nothing I write is neither perfect nor very polished (it wouldn’t be even remotely fun for me if I tried to do that), but mostly everything I’ve written I’ve written for the sole audience members of me myself and I (and also sometimes a friend :3), so these are some of my more recent faves. under a cut because this got kinda long, whoopsie!

tagging! @superish, @dodici12, and @owletstarlet! <3

Letters from Heaven: haikyuu!!, kagehina, 60k

this fic was written for last year’s kghn big bang and it was so fun! It’s the longest thing I’ve written yet, and boy oh boy it was such a challenge to juggle a bunch of different things that I hadn’t done on this kind of scale before, like longer character arcs and, especially given that this is a violet evergarden AU, describing things in a way that fits with kyoani’s style and VibeTM. My last longer fic, thy kingdom come, was about half this length and almost made the list simply because of how bonkers it was (like I hadn’t written at all that year and suddenly signed up for a big bang and then had to take a month long break in the middle because of school stuff, and then boom I ended up writing the latter half of it a few days before the deadline LOL), but anyway. It’s not perfect (nothing is!) but it’s chock full of recurring metaphors and long-winded descriptions about the sky and pining out the wazoo (basically: all wildly self-indulgent things catered to me and me alone) and I love it all the same. (also bajillion thanks to janine for this one heh she is to blame for most of my kghn madness)

over the edge (of all our knowings): hunter x hunter, killugon, 13k

okay this one almost went to my other killugon fic again bc everything I write is so self-indulgent but!! this fic is probably one of the few fics that I set out to write very intentionally? that sounds weird, hmm how to explain. I tend to write fic mostly to let out Emotions but tbh it’s so much easier and way more fun for me to do that through reading other people’s works--less work for me to read abt my faves than to write them, after all! so most of what’s on my profile before this fic is exactly that: I sat down at like one in the morning with my notebook and fever-dream scribbled out a oneshot that I spent maybe the next two or three days typing up, reading over once, and then yeeting it up onto the archive. but not with this fic! I had already written my Vent fic for the boys in question, but my goals with this fic were more deliberately geared towards examining and changing up my approach to writing: 1) I really wanted to explore gon after the world tree and what his healing might look like, but gon is Really Hard for me to write (the boy is so!! ARGHSLKDFJ). So: deeply inhabiting unfamiliar character pov practice. Asking myself, after every single line of dialogue and event and inner monologue, how this character would react and why. How will this impact their next action? How will it impact their relationship with this other character? How about this? and this? and so on and so forth 2) I wanted to find a balance with my metaphors on both a sentence by sentence and an overarching basis (I tend to just go for the first--I can’t help it I love purple-y prose jslkdfj). 3) Time!! I also went a lot slower with this one. Every night for over a month, writing a little bit at a time in my notebook. And I found that going slower...is actually really nice? Takes a lot of the stress away. tldr; this fic was basically one long exercise in me examining my writing (also ngl my creative writing professor’s feedback on my work for class really kickstarted this LOL) and boy oh boy was it satisfying to see it posted when I finished. I learned a lot! Also I got some of the kindest comments that made me tear up, which was so wonderful. god this got long okay moving on.

your heart, bright heart: natsume yuujinchou, tanunatsu & gen, 7k

after over a year of quarantine I’ve read more fic than I ever have in my LIFE and I have figured some stuff out about what makes me go absolutely bonkers, writing-wise. this fic was an attempt, after several months of reading literally hundreds of fics across dozens of fandoms and relationships and pairings (like geeze! hxh, run with the wind, hq, yuri on ice, the great pretender, ouran highschool host club, snk, mdzs, final fantasy xv, and yes natsuyuu too LOL), an attempt at making myself go bonkers, if you will. and I still can’t quite put my finger on what it IS but I know it has something to do with the naming of things. like an author will Name a Thing, very specifically, whether it is an action or a character thought or something very simple about the environment--and that something speaks volumes about the character and their relationships and the core themes of the series and it’s like. it’s like there’s a moment of understanding between that character and the reader, an oh! I know what that means. it’s wonderful and I’m butchering the explanation here but anyway. I still have no idea how to do this myself yet but goddammit I’m gonna get there one day. This fic was my first attempt in the Naming of Things. idk if there are any oh! moments in it myself, but natsuyuu is the perfect series for the kind of quiet that I think you need for those small moments.

holy SHIT this got long uh. if you’ve made it this far--thank you?? this was also useful for me to articulate what the hell I’m doing in hamsterland. Recently a visiting poet came to one of my classes at university and talked about language-making as a physical art. Language has a physical existence, she said; it leaves the body and enters another and causes a physical reaction in both speaker and listener. She talked about how writers are creators of physical things, and how writing is mostly thinking before the creating. The physicality of language. To say it made me lose my marbles is an understatement!! tldr; there’s so much inspiration everywhere, and I wanna write more!!! So I’m gonna!!

#tag game #rambling #my fic

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artificialqueens · 4 years ago

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Off Limits, Chapter 1 (Bitney, Willaska) - Veronica/Albatross

A/N: Hey guys! This is the companion story to “No Strings Attached.” We’re tagging them both as “Just Friends” so that it’ll be easy to read the chapters in order, but once it gets complicated, I might include a guide. Both ships are in both stories, but generally, “No Strings Attached” is Willaska-focused and this one is Bitney-focused. (Link to all chapters in order, which so far is just 2.)

Summary: When Bianca meets her new roommates, she’s especially captivated by one of them. Worse, the feeling seems to be mutual.

***

Bianca hated being fucking late. It was bad enough that she’d had to drive all the way from New Orleans to California, praying that her 7-year-old Kia wouldn’t break down. But for the last leg of her trip, which should have been 45 minutes, she got caught in an accident on the freeway that turned what should have been a short, pleasant zip up the freeway into a torturous 4-hour crawl.

By the time she reached the dorms, she was fuming--not to mention exhausted. And having to lug her shit from possibly the worst parking spot in the garage did nothing to improve her shitty mood. By the time she’d achieved some semblance of order in her room, she was hot and thirsty and as cranky as she’d ever been.

She chugged about a gallon of water and then collapsed on the sofa, arm over her eyes, trying to summon the energy to think about a shower.

It was then when the front door swung open and a trio of laughing, chattering girls poured inside.

Bianca looked up. At first glance, all she saw was Blonde, Blonde, Blonde. A bunch of perfect, plastic sorority girls, exactly the type of girl she couldn’t stand. (And, if she was honest, exactly the type of girl that she always feared a little bit.) She groaned inwardly, sitting up and giving them a withering glare.

Unable to help herself, she announced, “Great...I’m living with a bunch of bottle blonde bitches.” As the words left her mouth, she realized that she was perhaps not making the best first impression. But instead of taking it back, she doubled down with, “So whose hideous leopard duvet is that?”

The Littlest Blonde burst into delighted giggles, before glancing at the (Bianca assumed) Duvet-Owning Blonde beside her and pressing her lips together contritely.

Slutty Blonde slung an arm around Duvet Blonde and said, “Calm down, bitch. Some of us are garbage pails with hideous taste. We’re still people.”

Bianca pursed her lips, determined to continue hating them all.

With that, Little Blonde skipped forward, flinging herself onto the sofa and offering a bright smile.

“Hi, I’m Courtney. You must be our fourth roommate,” she said.

She had an accent--a cute accent. Shit. Do not let the accent fool you. This Barbie doll bitch isn’t your friend.

“Wow...what gave that away, detective?” Bianca asked, narrowing her eyes slightly.

“Well…” she leaned in conspiratorially, speaking in a low voice. “It would be a little weird for you to be here, if you weren’t. So...” She finished with a flutter of lashes and another dazzling smile, green eyes dancing with amusement.

Well, fuck. Bianca was not planning to be this charmed, this quickly. The plan was to be grumpy and sulk for awhile. Foiled by a pretty face...not the first time, but still annoying.

“Genius.” Bianca tried to suppress her smile, but dimples poked through anyway.

“I knooow, right?”

Australian. Bianca winced. Surely this was some kind of karmic justice for a terrible deed she’d done as a child. After all, there was no way in hell that Bianca would get involved with one of her roommates. She was many things, but she was not that messy.

“So, are you gonna tell us your name?” Courtney asked.

“Yeah, sorry. Bianca. Hi.”

“Hi, Bianca, nice to meet you.”

God, even the way she said her name was sexy. Bee-aaaahn-cah. Ugh. Bianca was well and truly fucked.

“Hey, I’m Willam,” Slutty Blonde said, perching on the arm of the sofa. “And that’s Alaska...your roommate. You should be nicer to her; she’s cool.”

Duvet Blonde gave a halfhearted wave.

“Hi, Alaska,” Bianca said, slightly chagrined, “I’m sorry...about your lack of taste. We’ll work on it.”

Courtney giggled again, tossing her hair, still watching Bianca closely. And as much as she wanted to look away, to dismiss her as some airhead, she had to admit that something in her eyes was captivating.

“So, Bianca...where are you from?” Courtney asked.

“New Orleans,” Bianca told her.

“Oooh, have you ever been to Mardi Gras?!” she asked, eyes lighting up.

“Uhh. Yeah.”

“Did you bring us any beads?”

“Why not get out your tits and see, Court?” Willam suggested.

Courtney started to lift the edge of her shirt, and Bianca’s eyes went wide--this girl was turning out to be a lot more than she’d bargained for. Courtney glanced at her surprised face and burst out laughing again.

“Just kidding.”

“Good one,” Bianca offered, a little ashamed at the flash of disappointment she felt. Of course she was kidding; Bianca needed a cold shower.

“So, are you a new student here?” Courtney asked.

“Yeah.” Bianca cleared her throat. “I transferred from LSU.”

“Where’s that?”

“Louisiana...State...University,” Bianca explained slowly, as if she was talking to a child. Her tone was intentionally condescending, but Courtney continued her rapid-fire questions undeterred.

“Ah! Brilliant. And have you-”

“You ask a lot of questions,” Bianca said. She’d never experienced that many questions in a row, and considering her gigantic nosy-ass family, that was saying a lot. If she wasn’t so cute, Bianca would be thoroughly irritated.

“Sure does,” Willam added with an eye roll.

“Oh yeah. I know. Is it annoying you?” Courtney bit her lip, head tilted cutely.

“That’s another question,” Bianca declared stonily, pretending once again not to be charmed. And doing a piss-poor job of it, if the glimmer in Courtney’s eyes was any indication.

“Hmm, I guess it is,” Courtney said, tone lilting and gently mocking. “Sorry, I’m just trying to get to know you.”

“Maybe I should ask you some questions.”

“Maybe you should!” Courtney replied brightly. She stretched her legs--long, tan, killer legs--placing them on the coffee table and folding them delicately at the ankles. “What would you like to know?”

Do you moan in an Australian accent?

Bianca coughed, mind blanking for a moment, before admitting with a shrug, “I guess...I’m not very curious.”

“Pity. ‘Cause I’m an open book.”

“Uh. Good to know.” After a beat, Bianca offered, “So. I had kind of a shitty morning.”

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Courtney sat up straighter, the teasing smirk replaced with an expression of genuine concern. “Are you okay?”

“It’s fine, I just...I was actually about to jump in the shower. I’ll probably be in a better mood after that.”

“Well, that’s a relief,” said Willam, and Alaska let out a clipped laugh.

“I deserved that,” Bianca said with a nod and wry smile. “So I guess I’ll go...do that.”

With one last glance at the group, Bianca got up and walked towards her bedroom to get her things.

“What a cunt,” Willam said loudly--loud enough that Bianca knew it was for her benefit. She chuckled to herself.

“Bill!” Courtney scolded, then added, “I like her.”

“Clearly. Why don’t you go make my bed?”

“Make your own bed, dickhead!” Courtney shrieked.

The shower was much needed. Bianca could feel the stress of the day literally rinsing away, muscles relaxing in the steamy water. When she re-entered her bedroom, Alaska was lounging on the bed, flipping through a magazine. She sat down at her desk, pulling over a light-up mirror.

She took her time blow-drying her hair. Even put on some makeup. No reason not to look nice for a relaxing afternoon of getting to know her roommates, right? She pulled on a casual summer dress and sandals and then began to put everything away in its spot...blow dryer in the stackable basket with her curling iron, makeup in the case, brushes in the cup.

She turned around to Alaska, who gave her a smile.

“I like your bins,” Alaska commented, gesturing to Bianca’s compulsively organized and labeled plastic bins, lined up under her bed and stacked on the dresser.

“Thanks. And I like your...uh…” Bianca surveyed the mess on Alaska’s side of the room before settling on the word, “...piles.”

Alaska let out a loud cackle. The most Bianca had seen her laugh yet. She grinned wryly.

“I’m a little bit messy, sorry,” Alaska said.

“It’s cool,” Bianca shrugged. “To each their own.”

“I’ll keep it contained, I swear. And on my side of the room.”

“You fucking better!” Bianca exclaimed, and was rewarded with another laugh from her roommate.

***

Courtney didn’t like to admit it, but she’d had a bit of a lonely summer. She’d decided with her parents that, since she wanted to come home for Christmas again this year, it made more sense for her to stay at school, taking a few classes and working at an internship.

It usually wasn’t hard for Courtney to make friends, but somehow, she hadn’t connected with anyone. Her classmates seemed lovely, and her coworkers were nice enough too, but she missed the late-night gossiping with Willam, the chance to let loose and be silly. The girls she attempted to hang out with over the summer just weren’t the kind of unpredictable fun that Willam was. And her summer roommate was a reclusive Belgian girl who spent all of her time buried in her laptop wearing headphones.

But today, she was thrilled. Willam was finally back, and even better, she had two new fantastically wonderful roommates.

Alaska was great. A little reserved, maybe, but that was alright with Courtney. She had a great sense of humor and a genuinely kind soul that Courtney adored right away. Plus, she seemed to get along really well with Willam, which was a relief. (Courtney loved her BFF, but she knew that getting her seal of approval could be difficult.)

And then there was Bianca. Blunt and a bit abrasive, but Courtney found herself thoroughly enchanted almost immediately, reveling in her sharp wit and acid tongue. Her dark, flashing eyes. She was unlike anyone Courtney had ever met before, truth be told.

As Courtney helped Willam stuff her clothes into the closet and dresser and arrange her shoes and bags under the bed, she sighed happily, grateful to be surrounded by people with whom she could really let down her hair.

It took ages before Willam was satisfied. Well, not so much satisfied as much as resigned to accept the confines of their limited space. She turned to Courtney with a sigh, saying, “Well, it is what it is, I guess.”

Courtney laughed and suggested that they check on the others, skipping happily over to Bianca and Alaska’s open door. She pushed it in further, asking, “How are you ladies doing? Bonding?”

“Oh yeah,” Bianca said, turning around in her desk chair, large curling iron in hand. “Our periods are already in sync.”

Alaska laughed, and Courtney was glad to see that some of her earlier tension had melted away.

“How disgustingly primal,” Willam said, collapsing on the bed next to Alaska, who moved over to give her space.

Courtney settled on the floor nearby. She watched as Bianca carefully styled her hair, admiring the color—a rich, reddish mahogany brown—and wondering how she got it so shiny.

“Is your room bigger than ours?” Willa asked, pulling Courtney out of her thoughts as she looked around suspiciously.

“I don’t know. Is it?” Bianca asked.

“Bill’s pretty pissed about the closet space,” Courtney explained. “I gave her one of my drawers, but…” She shrugged, pulling affectionately on one of Willam’s bare feet, “Some people are just never satisfied.”

“I have an extra drawer, too,” Alaska offered, and Bianca’s eyebrows shot up.

“You sure you don’t want to use that for some of the stuff that’s…” she gestured to the top of Alaska’s dresser.

Looking at their spaces, Courtney could see a clear clash of styles. Bianca’s things were almost obsessively organized, lined up in containers with p-touch labels. Alaska’s side of the room was more haphazard, similar to Courtney’s space.

“Nah, she can have it,” Alaska said with a sweet smile, and Bianca responded by sticking out her tongue briefly.

Courtney giggled, seeing them tease each other, happy that they already seemed to be friends. She relaxed against Alaska’s desk chair, finally content to just let the conversation drift as it were, taking a break from her usual Oprah mode.

“So...not to be a wet blanket on all this delightful female bonding, but...where can a bitch find some decent vegetarian food around here?” Bianca asked, putting away her hairstyling tools and turning around.

“You’re hungry?” Courtney looked up at her.

“No, just thought I’d buy some food and throw it at seagulls. Yes, I’m fucking hungry.”

Through Courtney’s immediate laughter, Willam muttered, “Decent shit is mostly downtown...but edible? There’s the cafeteria next door, the salad bar over by the biology building, food court in the quad, the-”

“No, Bill,” Courtney giggled out with a weak swat at Willam’s leg. “Let’s get something different. Something better.” She decided not to add ‘for Bianca.’

Willam rolled her eyes and huffed out, “Fine then, cunt. Where do you suggest we eat?”

There was a moment’s pause as Courtney pondered over the question before thoughtfully looking up at Bianca, asking, “Do you like burritos?”

“Wow. That’s racist.”

“No, it’s not because you’re--I didn’t mean--it’s just that they’re really good and you said-” Courtney tripped all over herself to explain, flustered, cheeks growing hot. Shit, she hoped she hadn’t been offensive.

After a beat, Bianca burst out laughing.

“I was kidding, calm down. Burritos sound good.”

“Courtney, are you talking about that hole in the wall on Fair Oaks? We’ll have to take a car.”

“It’s good, and they have tons of veggie options, and you love driving,” Courtney insisted. “Plus, everything on campus will be chockers right now.”

“‘Chockers’?!” Willam repeated. “That’s so Aussie!”

“Packed, full, whatever, you know I’m right.”

“Ugh. Alright,” Willam groaned, then asked, “Alaska? You in?”

“Uh, I’m not really all that hungry,” Alaska said. “You guys should go.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’m getting a little bit of a headache.”

“Oh no!” Courtney leapt to her feet. “Do you need something? I have magnesium supplements. Or, vitamin b-complex. That’s great for headaches!”

“Or, if you want something that actually works, I got Tylenol and Advil…” Bianca gestured to one of her boxes.

“I’ve got Vicodin,” Willam added. “And weed.”

“Thanks guys, but I think I just need to lay down for awhile.”

“Okay, we’ll leave you alone. Let us know if you want us to bring you back any food,” Courtney offered.

“Thanks.”

As the group trooped out of the room, Bianca grabbed her purse and then slung an arm around Courtney’s shoulder, asking, “Magnesium supplements?”

“My dad’s a doctor of alternative medicine,” Courtney giggled.

“Well, that tracks…”

***

By the time they perched on the rickety stools at the burrito place, Bianca was beyond starving. She dug into her food with a passion as Courtney resumed her questioning from earlier.

“Sooo,” she began, drawing out the word in that infuriatingly adorable Australian way, “You said that you transferred from Louisiana, right? What brings you out here?”

“Well, I’m majoring in marketing and international relations, and they have this scholarship that combines-”

“You’re an Ashford Scholar?!” Courtney exclaimed, eyes widening dramatically.

Bianca couldn’t help be a bit pleased with herself, happy that the prestigious scholarship was known even beyond the business school. Courtney was clearly impressed, and so she gave a small shrug of faux modesty.

“That’s amazing, that’s really...you know only 1 person a year gets that, right?” Courtney asked.

Bianca nodded and swallowed, then said, “Can’t wait to meet last year’s bitch. I assume they’re extraordinary too.”

Courtney giggled, resting her cheek on her hand. “So I guess that means you’re gonna have a lot of work to do. I heard those Ashford internships are seriously intense.”

“I’ll manage…”

Though her answer sounded nonchalant, she was enjoying Courtney’s obvious respect for her accomplishment. Her eyes practically glimmered in admiration.

“What about you, dollface?” Bianca asked. “What’s your major? Psychology?”

“No...although actually I did consider that!” Courtney said.

“Shocking.”

Courtney giggled, crunching down on a chip and saying, “I’m doing PoliSci.”

“Oh, cool.”

“Yeah…” she leaned in and stage whispered, “Your political system here is absolutely up the shit.”

Bianca laughed, not entirely familiar with that expression but getting the gist. She was about to agree when Willam interrupted her thoughts.

“That’s so Aussie!” Willam said, mouth muffled with food.

She assumed that was some kind of inside joke, but found herself unconcerned with being left out. What was more troubling was that until that moment, she’d temporarily forgotten that Willam was even there. She could already tell that it was a problem...how enchanting her new roommate was. Not to mention beautiful. The more Bianca looked into Courtney’s face, the more captivated she became. She cleared her throat, forcing her attention to Willam, who was working her way through a steak burrito bowl. Bianca nudged her foot.

“What’s your major, then?”

She expected a proud, boastful response but instead, there was just further silence. Conversation dropped dead for a few moments before Courtney chimed in softly with, “She doesn’t have a major yet...She’s still undeclared.”

“What?” Bianca exclaimed in amazement as a hint of pink rose to Willam’s cheeks despite her stony expression. “How can you still be undeclared? What year are you in?”

“Third,” Willam answered tensely, “And it's not that unusual. I just haven’t found the right thing yet, okay?”

If it wasn’t clear before that this was a touchy subject, the little huff at the end of her defense made it painfully obvious.

“Okay, well...cool.” Bianca grimaced awkwardly. Served her right for trying her hand at some Courtney-esque interview questions. She racked her brain for a lighter topic of conversation. “So...what do you guys...do for fun?”

“Shop,” Willam answered decisively.

“Oh! You know what we should do!” Courtney exclaimed brightly. “We should go to Cielo Plaza tomorrow!”

“What’s that?” Bianca asked, relieved that the subject change had worked.

“A mall,” Willam answered. “It’s no King of Prussia but there are a few good stores in there.”

Bianca wasn’t sure what the fuck “King of Prussia” was, but Courtney breezed right past it, happily pitching how great the activity would be.

“Yeah! And it’s so cute. We could have lunch, find some more decorations for the apartment, get some new clothes-”

“Should ask Alaska if she wants to come too,” Willam said, continuing to speak through mouthfuls of food.

“Of course!” Courtney enthused. “And then Saturday, we could go to the beach! Do you like the beach?”

Bianca did not like the beach. Sand in her asscrack was the last thing she wanted. But the idea of seeing Courtney in a bathing suit was pretty appealing…

“Love the beach,” she said with a smile.

“Great!” Courtney leaned back proudly.

“So, uh…what about nighttime fun?” Bianca’s eyes flickered unconsciously to Courtney’s glossy lips, the way her tongue toyed with the straw, before quickly adding, “Any good clubs?”

“We’re underage,” Courtney said sweetly.

“Oh, right.” Bianca turned to Willam. “Come on. I know you’ve got a fake ID. Where do you go?”

A secretive, almost mischievous smile spread across Willam’s lips as her eyes narrowed in on Bianca consideringly. There was a confident, daring tone in her voice as she responded with a simple, “Depends.”

Arching her brow, egging her on, Bianca shot back, “On?”

Willam’s smile grew just a little wider as answered, “On what your type of scene is.”

Fully catching onto the joke that had gone over Courtney’s head, Bianca sat back in her seat, arms crossed with an amused grin of her own and asked, “What do you think it is?”

There was a loaded pause as the two stared one another down. Courtney’s eyes darted back and forth in confusion, looking absolutely lost.

Finally, after what felt like a decade of waiting, Willam broke the silence of the group and replied almost smugly, “I think you'll be right at home in Sierra's.”

“Willam!” Courtney scolded harshly as she gave her friend a firm smack to the arm. Turning a bright shade of pink, she turned to Bianca and apologized, lowing her voice, “I'm sorry, that...that's a gay bar.”

The way her voice had dipped into such a low whisper had Bianca laughing on the spot. As soon as she managed to get ahold of herself, she inquired with amusement, “So? What’s wrong with gay bars?”

Stunned, Courtney blinked several times before finding her voice again. “Nothing! That’s not what I-it’s not that there’s anything wrong, she just shouldn’t assume...I mean, if you’re okay with it, then-”

“Well, it’s probably gonna be my best bet at getting laid,” came the nonchalant answer.

Looking rather pleased with herself, Willam piped back up for affirmation, “So you are...?”

Nodding her head, Bianca confirmed, “Mh-mm...And what about you? Casual observer or part of the family?”

“I mean...if that's what I'm in the mood for, yeah.”

“Makes sense,” Bianca quipped as her brow arched, “You do seem like the ‘take it anywhere you can get it’ type.”

The comment earned a loud laugh, one distinct enough to draw the attention of nearly everyone else in the shop. Despite the onlookers, Willam reassured her with a playful grin, “Trust me bitch, it’s not that hard to get it around here...”

“Sounds promising,” Bianca replied before turning back to Courtney, “You alright, dollface? You’ve been awfully quiet over here.”

Stumbling to collect herself, Courtney found herself mumbling, “Oh...um, no. I mean, yeah, I'm not-I mean-”

“Court is straight,” Willam said, saving her from stammering any longer.

“You don’t say,” Bianca said, trying to sound like she’d known all along. Secretly though, she was a bit surprised. She could have sworn that the blonde had been giving her vibes all day. Well...too bad. Karmic justice, indeed. With a sly sideways glance at her, Bianca clucked, “Pity.”

Snorting through her laughter, Willam shook her head and said, “Yeah, you wish, bitch. But that pussy’s a boys club.”

“Bill!” Courtney wrinkled her nose in distaste.

Bianca shook her head sadly, asking, “So...you’ve never even been eaten out by someone who actually knows what the hell they're doing down there?”

“Hey! Men can learn!” Courtney exclaimed defensively, then a tiny conspiratorial grin crept onto her face and she admitted, “I mean...hypothetically.”

Bianca burst into cackling laughter.

“Oh, you poor baby,” she cooed, still giggling, slipping an arm around Courtney’s shoulders. Courtney turned to her with a look of good-natured self-pity, lower lip puffed out, batting her lashes slowly for comedic effect.

The more Bianca thought about it, the more she realized that there was something a bit freeing about Courtney being straight. She was straight. There were lines that would never be crossed, ever. So it meant she was safe to flirt and have fun and it would never make her living situation complicated.

Win win, right?

Bianca looked into Courtney’s sparkling green eyes one last time before removing the arm from her shoulder, chuckles dying down.

***

Bianca suggested a stop at the grocery store on the way home, which Courtney realized was a great idea, since she had barely anything stocked, having chosen to eat most of her meals for the past few days in the cafeteria by their building.

Plus, she didn’t mind at all that they were extending their outing, finding Bianca to be both hilarious and fascinating. While Willam was occupied on her phone, Courtney hopped into the cart, beaming up at Bianca.

“Uh, I’m sorry, are your legs broken?” Bianca asked pointedly.

“Come on, please?! I wanna riiiiide,” she wheedled, and Bianca smirked at her.

“Oh, I can give you a ride.”

Courtney bit her lip, both hating and loving the way her stomach twisted every time she looked into Bianca’s brown eyes. It was thrilling, but also terrifying, like being on a rollercoaster--and Courtney loved rollercoasters. She was still a bit miffed at Willam for so adamantly proclaiming her straightness earlier, though she couldn’t really say why. It was true, of course, she was straight, but the way Willam said it so definitively was annoying, especially since she’d only just found out that Bianca was gay moments before.

All Courtney did know, for sure, was that she was having fun, so she decided just to enjoy herself and not stress about it.

They sped through the store, picking up pantry staples and some produce for the next couple of days, along with a few treats that Courtney insisted on...coconut water, dates, kale chips. Bianca pretended to be disgusted by all of it.

At one point, in the freezer aisle, Courtney found herself gazing up at Bianca, admiring again how thick and shiny her hair was. When Bianca leaned over the cart to toss in a package of frozen peas, Courtney reached up, fingering a lock gently.

“Is that your real hair color?” she asked.

“No,” Bianca said, “Not even close. Why, is that your real hair color?” She reached out, unceremoniously ruffling Courtney’s hair.

Courtney ducked and giggled, saying, “Almost! It’s...slightly enhanced.”

A wicked look passed across Bianca’s face as she said, “You know, there’s a way to check that.”

“Eyebrows?” Courtney asked, lashes fluttering innocently.

Bianca cackled gleefully, dark eyes dancing with joy, and said, “Yeah, eyebrows. That’s exactly what I was thinking.”

Courtney bit her lip, feeling a surge of pride at making someone as funny as Bianca laugh so hard.

They were almost to the check-out when an employee asked tiredly for her to please get out of the cart.

“Oh yeah, sorry!” she said, scrambling to get up.

“Need a hand?” Bianca asked.

“Thanks.” Courtney let Bianca help her out, one hand holding the cart steady and the other on her waist. A faint blush colored her cheeks as she jumped down and found herself chest to chest with Bianca, close enough to smell her perfume, which was lovely--warm and smoky. It made Courtney want to lean in closer...

“Let’s go!” Willam screeched, slamming the cart into their legs.

“Soz Bill!” Courtney snapped out of her daze and headed for the registers, making sure to snatch a few bars of dark chocolate on the way, chuckling slightly at Willam’s mumbled “that’s so Aussie.”

It was still early when they got back to the apartment, and Courtney was too riled up to sleep, so she suggested opening a bottle of the wine that Bianca bought. Alaska was dozing, so they left her in peace while the three of them sat around Courtney and Willam’s room and chatted for a few more hours. They shared stories about their childhoods and families, generally getting to know each other--at least until Bianca’s eyelids began to look heavy and they sent her off to bed.

As Courtney finally snuggled down into her comforter, lightly buzzed and perfectly content, her last thought was how lucky she was, how wonderful her roommates were, how life-changingly amazing this year promised to be.

#rpdr fanfiction #bitney #willaska #bianca del rio #courtney act #willam belli #alaska thunderfuck #college au #lesbian au #slow burn #kind of #friends to lovers #fluff #off limits #just friends #veronica #albatross

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sweet-xoxo-thatcares · 3 years ago

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1st dream I ever had of JA together was right after I started my new job at the tax spot, and Jay was texting me about a house they wanted to rent and was looking for a roommate to help cut the cost. They showed me this brown house with an upstairs and downstairs, but it was like near the Northside kinda...but near Kettering. I remember looking at the map thinking dang it look kinda rough in the neighborhood, but 800 something month sounded good split between 3 ppl.

The dream that night was us in this small looking house in the forest, but we were happy until we actually went outside towards our backyard and there was the trees. Pine trees to be specific. We started running towards it because we were playing a game,, idk if it was tag or hide and seek...all I know is that it felt like we both were playing, me and Jay running with Ayunna nearby running too, and then all of a sudden we had to start running back to the house cause a bunch of peopl started coming out of the woods chasing us, before we even hit the trees.

We ran for our lives, at almost full speed, but I don't remember who hit the house first and no they didn't look like zombies. It was just a burst of a bunch of people covered in black, from head to toe chasing us, going as fast as we were. I remember when I got to the house I couldn't find everyone and I told my lil sister (idk why she was there) to go check downstairs and low and behold Ayunna was whispering, calling someone on the phone as she was in the living room and I was peeking in on her through the kitchen. She said my name and said it sort of alert, but kept it on hush hush like a teacher calling a student's parent. She said "Kylee's shaking and freaking out about it."

And I think she meant it like I was ready to go home. I thought she was calling her mom, cause I didn't plan on telling my mom about moving out with them at the time.

Because I was scared and paranoid about being far away from home with strangers chasing us from the woods. I didn't see Jay when she made the phone call, Interestingly enough. I remember there was a closet filled with supplies with like an orange kayak, some sports gear, some oars, and some other stuff. I don't remember what I was looking for in the dream, I was just trying make sure nobody from outside got into the house.

Crazy right? And this was in 2019. Had I said anything, I'm sure they would have just thought it was a bad dream. The house in the dream didn't look Nothing like the house Jay had shown me. It looked sorta different, because there wasn't no carpet on the floor except in the living room. The house in the ad had carpet everywhere.

Also, as gross as I'm willing to admit....the 1st sexual dream of Jay happened in January right before we got let go of that bookstore temp job....

Jay was grinding on me fully clothed and kept grunting the words "respect it" with each ride/hump on my..... I woke up wet and confused because I didn't understand why Jay would have said that to me, hovering over me, starting with a serious face, one hand over my left shoulder, the other between my right arm and right side of my body. As if I was supposed to be scared or something....like wayyy too rough.

Now that I see it, I think Jay wanted me to respect their privacy and their body. Because around that time, I was questioning if I was even gay and how I could possibly even like them when I didn't even know if they had a dick or not or nothing at all....I was concerned and confused because Jay was taken and why was I thinking about it so damn hard for like a solid week I didn't see them at work and it drove me nuts not to know, but I couldn't ask cause that's rude. I kept trying to prove myself wrong with counteraccusations like "how can you know you're gay, when you haven't even kissed a girl? We don't know if she or they has boy parts?"

I felt really guilty about liking Jay, someone out of the spectrum and not my normal type....cause they weren't normal. They were like an alien to me, I usually could observe people 1st before talking to them and trusting them to see if we would even be a good fit or so....but in Jay's situation....i needed to do some research before I was the curious George asking too much information that I shouldn't have been interested in knowing but still wanted to know for my own sake. Like how to address non binary ppl, how to say they and use the pronouns, and xr./xrs. or etc...but Jay wanted to be called Mister later on.

I made sure I knew alot more than my coworkers to be prepared for conversation matters so I didn't come off like an ignorant associate who didn't bother to Google it before saying it out loud. Cause with anything new, I always google 1st and look on reddit for unfiltered personal opinions about stuff.

Which is still the reason why I think Jay could actually want to date/have sex with men in the future. after taking hormones so many ftms said once the dysphoria felt like it was gone and they were comfortable being themselves, as a man...they started opening back up that door they once closed towards men. Some even went girls only, to bisexual, to just gay (dating men). And there were a bit more reddit asking why there isn't as many straight ftms and why is there more ftms turning gay after transitioning....which sorta sucked to hear but I needed to know in case I had another panic attack again from being shocked from any more unexpected, extreme news from someone who always acted like they were anti-dick. Even to go as far as declining dick offers from sugarmommas they told me about.

It was gross to hear that they offered me up to that same random sugarmomma without even asking me if I was comfortable or even wanted to have sex with another stranger. Cause I sure as hell didn't. They just offered my name up to her, like they were selling me off as some hoe-sub. Being petty cause I started looking for an actual commitment on tinder.

I hated them for doing stupid, inconsiderate, uncomfortable shit like that, thinking Imma just go along with everything just because I liked them.

I'm still mad about that too. That jealous pig. Man whore themselves. They've slept with more ppl than me and had the nerve to call.me a "bedhopper" when you're the one getting yourself emotionally caught up and cheating on your girl by breaking rules she told you not too. Petty, angsty, stupid bitch with man issues. Didn't want nobody checking them about they behavior cause I guess they thought they were being overdominated.

This idiot thought I was tryna challenge their dominance (red flag #142🚩lol) when I said sarcastically "I wasn't gonna buy you none, anyway" when Jay interrupted me with "oh I don't want any candy." after I said as we waited in the avengers movie line "I should have gone to the dollar party to get some candy, had I known it was gonna be this long of a wait." They thought I was being hostile....when noooo I was just stating the candy wasn't for you, and why should I give a fuck? Lol 😆 I always do that with my sisters and parents at home. That's how we talk to each other, sarcastic assholes and smart jokes. I asked Jay is your masculinity sensitive after they called me out about making that comment that I thought wasn't offensive...but I guess it rubbed then the wrong way?? But like how, cause it was about candy and I wasn't mad at them when I said it.

They took that candy comment way too seriously. Cause even ayunna agreed with Jay that I was challenging their dominance? Like wtffff how can I challenge someone's dominance without even being aggressive, pushing a button, or getting in your face?

I think they thought I was just the nice girl who never talks back. Bullshiiiiittttt I have a mouth. I'm allowed to speak 🤣😅 fucking idiots and they thought I was the sensitive one. Jay sensitive too. Any time they felt less like a man, they took it out on us, like a lil crybaby, like a punk. But I didn't say anything....cause it seemed like anything I said to defend myself they would get into my head too about how it don't make sense.

Truly I think we just came from 2 different backgrounds, one where I was taught to obey but speak my mind. And Jay was taught that control and making others controlled by fear, while they got to be enabled to do so...was their life at home being the oldest. I never like even my own manager for doing that, controlling, poking, and bitching about stress then then taking it out on us because he has anger and commitment issues at biglots.

Jay came from "I'm the man, you're supposed to shut up and be quiet when I say it." I came from a house that woulda whooped yo ass for saying shit like that to my own momma. We don't play that shit around here and I grew up in the south, and southern raised folk. You always respect women just as proper and equal as men too. Yes sir, thank you ma'am, and do you need some napkins, that southern hospitality and respect for other people, friends, and family I was taught that. Jay must have not been taught manners and stuff like I did. My momma and daddy a mind even teachers made me be nice and be a good listener, and a good student always ready, alert, paying attention. You got off task, you fall behind in school, so always pay attention. Dad always was hard on me reminding me to do my best and treat people the way you want to be treated.

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ds-sparrow-manufacturing-co · 4 years ago

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A Rebuttal

Ok so I really did not want to make this post. I would’ve loved to have left this whole thing behind because I’m aware I made some mistakes and would like to atone for them, but it seems I’m going to have to go over this one more time. For anyone seeing this post who somehow doesn’t know, I said some regrettable things about Aidan Gallagher here. I later made another post here summarising the entire situation that resulted, so I would suggest you read that first.

I’m still getting people telling me what I said was fucked up, which is entirely justified. However, I have just now realised that the person who took it upon themselves to ‘correct’ me about my opinions of Aidan Gallagher (something that has not changed, I still strongly dislike him) later made several derogatory posts about me. I was not aware of this because after the first rude post they made about me, I blocked them to save myself the additional stress.

I have done my best to deal with this whole thing as calmly and politely as possible. When this person was downright evil towards me, I didn’t bother to argue with them, I just made an admittedly-snarky post with a screenshot of what they said, and then blocked them because I had no desire to begin an argument. When I realised that what I had said about Aidan Gallagher had been fucked up, I apologised, accepted my mistake and did what I could to fix it. But I am out of patience. I don’t take kindly to being treated the way this person has treated me, I don’t think anyone does. So here I am, about to break down everything they said about me bit by bit to show you how much of a lying scumbag they have been towards me (as well as possibly others).

warning: this post is incredibly long

tw: su*c*de mentions

My first interaction with this person was when i got an anon ask who wanted to know what Aidan Gallagher had done to make me dislike him. I responded with a brief list, excluding most of my evidence because it was late at night and I didn’t have the energy to go down the rabbit hole of all this. The following day, the blog this post is about reblogged my post, attempting to disprove everything I said. I will not include screenshots here, because it was a long post, you can find it in my archive if you so wish. I read what they said, took everything into account, and responded with my proof for things I hadn’t previously included the proof for, as well as explanations for why certain things he’s said annoyed/upset me. I expected a polite response, as we had both been courteous so far.

Instead, I received the following:

Now, lets break down some of what they said.

‘stop saying things you can’t prove, because it’s fake’ - I provided my proof. I am not trying to lie to anyone, or perpetuate rumours. All I aimed to do was explain my point of view and why I personally dislike him.

‘some of your screenshots are fake’ - That’s just blatantly untrue, especially as they have at other points said things along the lines of ‘well yes but he apologised/he didn’t mean it like that’ for everything I have provided screenshots for. Make up your mind.

‘you’re so gullible’ - For... having an opinion? That I researched before forming? And which is based on something other than my blind faith in a 17 year old? Right.

This was when I blocked them.

I thought that was going to be the end of the situation. Then, I got some asks.

I saw this and, being a minor, was a little creeped out. I had assumed this person was a teenage fangirl because that’s who the majority of Aidan Gallgher’s fans are so this information was surprising.

This one scared me. I did what the anon suggested, created a backup (i won’t tag it here because I get the feeling some of the aforementioned ‘army’ are going to see this) and reported the other blog. Once again, I thought it was over.

It was at this point that people started telling me how fucked up what I said in my original post was, and I realised they were right. As mentioned at the start of this post, I apologised, and did everything I could to fix it. End of, right?

Until today, where I started thinking about what the above anons had said and decided to fact check, mainly out of curiosity. I unblocked the blog, only to discover they had made 3 posts about me that I hadn’t seen.

This was the first one, as you can see they began it with a screenshot of my original post. Let’s talk about this.

“but you wishing him dead is ok?” - I never wished him dead, to start with. Stabbing does not automatically equal death, but I know that’s nitpicky of me. I also did not wish he was stabbed. I said in that exact tag that I didn’t, because of TUA. However, I know that this ‘joke’ was really shitty of me, and I have already apologised multiple times.

“what kind of a low life do you have to be to have nothing better to do, but talk shit about a kid?” - Why don’t you tell me? As I’ve said multiple times, I am a minor. That doesn’t excuse what I said, but that does make it incredibly hypocritical of them to say that given everything.

This was the second post they made about me, beginning with the same screenshot as in the first post.

“they’re spreading false rumors” - I’ve already covered this one.

“they want a reason to be mean, even if it isn’t true” - I would never be mean to someone if they hadn’t done anything to deserve it. I’m a strong believer in the moral philosophy of respecting everyone until they give you a reason not to. Aidan Gallagher has given me more than enough reasons to lose respect for him. And, honestly? I still respect him as an actor, even if only that.

“you can’t say you’re a decent human being and wish someone dead. you can’t say you’re anti-bullying and want to prevent suicide and then bully someone” - That is some big talk from someone who claimed they were ok with what Aidan Gallagher said about mental health because they’ve had their own experiences with suicide, before immediately telling me to rot and burn in hell for disagreeing with them. And, wait a second, wasn’t Aidan Gallagher the one supporting women’s rights and feminism who then turned around and made gross comments towards a bunch of girls? Hmm. Also, wishing someone dead is too wide of a blanket statement to actually measure whether someone is a decent human being with.

“i tried to be nice” - I didn’t know telling someone to rot in hell, calling them a stupid hoe, was being nice. I didn’t know lying, and telling people to report someone because they disagreed with you was being nice (notice how they never said anything about my stabbing comment until I disagreed with them.) I guess we have very different definitions of nice.

“if they really cared, they would kindly ask a fan if the rumors were true” - And that, ladies gentleman and variations thereupon, is a brilliant example of how not to perform unbiased research! I based my opinion on actual evidence, and neutral articles as well as arguments from both sides. Not on one fan who’s likely to deny everything.

“they said it themselves, they have no proof” - That is so incredibly cherrypicked. What I actually said was “supposedly used the f-slur although i can’t find proof“, one of the many points on my list of reasons I dislike Aidan Gallagher. You know why I said that? Because I found a screenshot of him supposedly having called someone that slur via Instagram but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and decided it was probably edited. I included the point on my list in the hopes of people doing their own research. And I certainly did not say I had no proof for anything, as you would know if you saw my original response to this blog, where I provided proof.

“threatening him and bullying him is wrong” - I am fully admitting of the fact my stabbing comment was in poor taste but it was very clearly not a threat and not even close to being bullying. Furthermore, I would say making four posts harassing and telling others to harass someone because they disagree with you is a lot closer to being bullying than anything I did was.

“defamation is a crime” - I live in the UK, so let’s use those defamation laws. A statement is not defamation unless it ‘ has caused or is likely to cause serious harm to the reputation of the claimant.’ Less than a hundred people are even aware my blog exists. Nowhere near enough people have seen anything I’ve said to count as defamatory. Not to mention that a statement is not defamatory if it is a statement of opinion.

“you’ll get karma for lying and playing the victim” - Ohhh the irony. I have not lied once. I have provided all the necessary proof for everything and I have owned up to my mistakes. And yet, they, who have repeatedly lied about me, twisted my words and oddly enough, avoided including proof outside that one screenshot of my original post, are the one accusing me of playing the victim. Classy.

“hi to your little follower that you cry to” - This one’s just hilarious to me. I’m happy to have people on here who will let me know when people are, you know, harassing and bullying me. And, what the hell do they mean by ‘cry to’? Do they mean ‘mentioned that this situation was stressful once’? Wow.

“I promise you misery for the rest of your sad little life” - Honestly just re-read the other screenshots after seeing they said this. Jesus Christ. And, as someone who already struggles with depression and other mental health issues I’m interested to know what they’re intending to do that’s gonna be any worse.

“you’ll pay! that’s not a threat it’s a promise” - Are they planning on tracking me down? Or are they just going to keep sitting on their throne of yes men and echo chambers acting as if they’re actually affecting me?

I would say this is the last post I plan to make about this situation but I’ve said that over and over again throughout the last 12 days and it’s never the last post. This whole situation has honestly been very emotionally taxing, and combined with some real life things, it’s been a bad week or so. Hopefully this post is enough to end this whole thing.

#WOW this post got long #the aidan gallagher debacle #long post

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